The Civil Affairs Bureau Won't Let Me Divorce the Taotie - Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The night I dragged my luggage into Gao Yucheng’s house, I finally understood why he had proactively applied for divorce seven times in a row.

His home was like a germaphobe’s version of a museum for the *Classic of Mountains and Seas*.

A whole row of labels was stuck to the refrigerator.

Upper left: Edible.

Lower right: Inedible, but smells edible.

Freezer: In case I lose control, please use this to trick me first.

A copy of *One Hundred Questions on Modern Marital Communication* sat on the coffee table in the living room.

The bookmark was stuck on the page titled “How to Stabilize Your Emotions When Your Spouse Loses Their Temper.”

Next to it lay a *Taotie Dietary Restriction Manual*.

The corners were curled from frequent use.

On the whiteboard in the entryway, today’s to-do list was written.

1. Do not scare the human.
2. Do not act on your own initiative.
3. If Jiang Qiao’an wants a divorce, cooperate immediately.

Staring at that whiteboard, I suddenly felt a wave of inexplicable sympathy.

Before I could process it, a pot lid rattled in the kitchen.

Gao Yucheng poked his head out, sleeves rolled up to his elbows.

“Are you allergic to seafood?”

“I made some porridge. I was worried you wouldn’t be used to things since you just moved in.”

A Taotie who was afraid of scaring people away.

He actually asked if I had allergies first.

I lowered my head and took a sip of the porridge, suddenly feeling like this marriage might not be as unbearable as I had imagined.

Early the next morning, I witnessed what a “counter-trope” marriage looked like.

In a typical CEO novel, on the first day of marriage, the male lead should be wearing a bathrobe, handing over a black card, and perhaps pinning the heroine against a wall.

Gao Yucheng was different.

Wearing an apron, he stood at the kitchen door and solemnly handed me a document titled *Joint Residency Risk Disclosure*.

The very first page read:

1. If you find me staring at you blankly, please remind me: “Mr. Gao, we live in a civilized society.”
2. If you find me attempting to swallow your negative emotions, please allow me to submit an application first.
3. If you want to scold me, please try to finish all at once; do not provide small, frequent feedings.

I burst out laughing the moment I finished reading.

“What exactly have you been through in the past?”

Gao Yucheng flipped a fried egg, his tone as flat as a weather report.

“My first observer went through a breakup. She cried in front of me, saying all men deserved to die.”

“I ate ninety percent of her resentment for her. The next day, she got back together with her ex and filed a complaint against me for unauthorized tampering with her ‘love-brain’ process.”

“The second one scolded me for three hours straight. As a result, I got so hungry that I ate all the desserts for her wedding banquet.”

“The third one… never mind.”

My laughter slowly died away.

“So, the reason you kept asking for a divorce wasn’t because you found them troublesome.”

“It was because you were afraid of losing control?”

He paused for a moment.

“Yes.”

“I can smell human emotions.”

“Sadness is damp, anger is pungent, and resentment tastes bitter.”

“When your emotions are too heavy, I instinctively want to swallow them for you.”

“But once I swallow too much, I develop an appetite for the people and things that created those emotions.”

“So I think it’s fairer if no one gets close to me.”

He was clearly an ancient calamity beast that could put the entire city on high alert at any moment.

Yet, he lived like a law-abiding citizen terrified of crossing a red line.

I suddenly felt that the Civil Affairs Bureau was truly heartless for using him as a test subject.