Zombie Boyfriend Purchase Guide - Chapter 1

Chapter 1

“Ding-dong! Anyone home? Delivery!”

I opened the door to find a delivery courier pushing a flatbed trolley. Drenched in sweat, he hauled in a massive crate about two meters long.

“What on earth did you buy?” he grumbled.

I scratched my head awkwardly and handed him a bottle of water. “Sorry for the trouble.”

After a struggle with layers of packing tape, the contents were finally revealed: a bright red coffin. It gave off a faint scent of incense, like burning sandalwood.

Following the instruction manual, I peeled off a talisman drawn in cinnabar and heaved the lid open.

With a loud *clatter*, the interior was exposed.

Lying inside was a man dressed in ancient Hanfu. His skin was the pallid white of someone who hadn’t seen the sun in ages. He was tall and slender, looking like a youth of eighteen or nineteen.

His features were as delicate as a girl’s.

I reached out, hesitating for a moment before lightly touching his face.

The next second, his long, butterfly-wing eyelashes trembled, and he opened eyes of a thick, blood-like red.

In an instant, his once merely delicate features became eerily beautiful.

The moment his eyes opened, the youth reached out with a slender arm, pulled me into his embrace, and said with a smile:

“Are you my bride?”

The moment he held me, my mind went completely blank.

Wait, how did things even get to this point?

It all started when the lights in my house began acting up. They flickered on and off like they were having a mental breakdown, occasionally letting out a sharp *pop*.

After giving me a heart-stopping jolt early one morning, they suddenly returned to normal.

Then came the mysterious *thump-thump* sounds coming from inside the walls.

I tossed and turned in bed, unable to sleep, and finally pleaded with the wall, “Big brother, I have an 8:00 AM shift tomorrow! I really can’t sleep with you doing that!”

The room went quiet for a while. Then, in a daze, I thought I heard the sound of children giggling. I silently huddled deeper into my blanket.

If it weren’t-if it weren’t for the fact that this place is incredibly close to work, has great transport links, is reasonably priced, and the fact that I’m broke, I’d find a new place tomorrow!

Finally, a massive amount of hair started appearing in the bathroom. Long strands of it clogged my drain.

Having drunk too much water, I clutched my stomach and groaned, “…I can’t take this anymore!”

I consulted a distant relative who knew a bit about these things. With an air of mystery, he recommended a shop to me.

I clicked the link, which led to a Taobao store based in Xiangxi. Their specialty was resolving various supernatural incidents. To my surprise, the featured star product was “Marxist Philosophy.”

I fell silent for two seconds. Thinking I might as well since I was already there, I asked the customer service representative what to do about my situation.

She recommended a solution: “Dear, you could try the Jiangshi Package. We guarantee it’ll cure what ails you.”