After an Alien Took My Husband's Place - Chapter 1

The post was dated yesterday.

It was weird enough to attract a whole crowd of equally weird commenters.

> Oh, an alien. For a second there I thought you were an alien.

> What does the UN have to say about this?

> The UN: An alien? Probably just some random caveman you picked up!

After the comments had drowned in memes, the poster finally appeared.

> I am not under United Nations jurisdiction.

> Nor did I arrive on Earth through Bureau procedures. The Bureau has no authority to deport me on the grounds of unstable social ties.

The commenters played it perfectly straight.

> Then what are you asking us for?

The poster answered in earnest:

> I require a social identity to operate on Earth.

> Finding a suitable subject to mimic is not easy. I do not wish to expose myself through a lack of common knowledge about Earth.

> Too little information remains on this identity.

> It is known only that Wife and I are legally married, that we met through an introduction by both sets of parents, and that this change in social status took place six months ago.

> Wife’s vigilance: unknown. Wife’s aggression: unknown. Wife’s susceptibility to sympathy: unknown.

> Would it be appropriate to engage in [censored]?

The commenters were having the time of their lives. They went straight into reading-comprehension mode.

> So you’ve been married to a blind date for six months, still haven’t secured your place as her actual husband, and want to take things further but don’t know if she’ll agree.

> Dude, do you run a clickbait account for a living? Pretending to be an alien to drive traffic is next-level.

> Let me put this as plainly and directly as possible: it worked. I saw that title and BAM, I clicked.

The poster:

> That is not the case.

The commenters:

> Good grief, a clickbait artist who’s too coy to admit it.

> You’ve come to the right people, friend. Can’t vouch for anything else, but horny IQ—sorry, emotional IQ? The internet’s got plenty.

> As a veteran consumer of marriage-before-love romances, here’s my advice. Find little chances to touch your wife. Before you know it, you’ll be a real couple. Delicious.

> Your reading list is way too PG, person above me.

> A guy who can’t win his wife over with his body from page one can’t keep MY attention either. Hehehe… Falling for the body first is still love! I read this one amazing book…

Once the talk turned dirty, it was all “high mountains and flowing water” in the comments—kindred spirits finding one another.

I was blushing just reading it.

The keypad lock made a sound. I put down my phone and went over.

The door opened just as I reached it.

Tan Yao, who was supposed to be away on vacation, stood silently on the doormat.

The gasoline and blood on his white shirt had dried.

“I am home, Wife.”

His voice was utterly level.

My mind went blank.

Not just because he had cut short his monthlong vacation and returned in this sorry state.

He had called me “Wife.”

The truth was, Tan Yao and I were married as part of a business alliance.

On our wedding night, he had told me:

“Since this is an arranged marriage, there’s no need for us to develop feelings.

“Until I’m thirty-five, I want to devote myself entirely to my career. I hope you won’t get any unnecessary ideas.”

So, nearly six months into our marriage, we barely saw each other. We remained little more than strangers and slept in separate rooms even when we were under the same roof.

We were a long way from being husband and wife.

Unable to work out what Tan Yao meant by this, I settled for saying:

“What happened to you? Weren’t you supposed to be away for a while longer? Come inside first.”

I bent to find his slippers in the shoe cabinet.

I set them in front of him, straightened, and suddenly found myself in his broad embrace.

Tan Yao bent over me, his arms around me, and said without a trace of expression:

“Because I missed Wife.”

Actually, Tan Yao hadn’t been a choice I was forced to settle for.

Quite the opposite. I’d had plenty of options, and his face was the one most to my taste.

Of course, back then I hadn’t known he had no interest in sex.

I had finally managed to accept reality, and now that face was suddenly saying something like this.

It was more than I could handle.

I hurried out of his arms and changed the subject.

“Why don’t you take a shower first? You’ll be more comfortable in pajamas. Don’t tire yourself out.”