After Failing the Strategy, I Go Crazy and Drain the Cold Emperor - Chapter 2

Chapter 2

By the time the wedding rites wound to a close, Zhao Yu was going through the motions more smoothly than I was.

As if he were the one who had been married ninety-nine times.

Per the plot, when I passed Kunning Gate, someone sent by Noble Consort Zhang would dump a bucket of filth over my head.

I’d be humiliated before Zhao Yu and fall completely out of favor.

Based on previous runs, I should have had that eunuch seized ahead of time.

But this time, I changed my mind.

As we neared Kunning Gate, I suddenly shouted.

The little eunuch hiding atop the gate was so startled he lost his grip; bucket and boy toppled, and the contents drenched me from head to toe.

So when Zhao Yu returned to the bedchamber reeking of wine, this was the scene that greeted him:

A woman covered in filth crawling across the floor in a grim, twisted sprawl.

Even so, Zhao Yu recognized me at once, his expression turning thunderous.

Knowing his temper, I didn’t doubt he might stride over and wring my neck the very next second.

Unexpectedly, he only kept a cold face and tossed a quilt onto me.

“The bridal chamber has yet to be consummated. How do you plan to explain that to the Empress Dowager and the court tomorrow?”

“Who says it can’t be consummated?”

Hands on my hips, I pushed myself up. The stench made Zhao Yu frown despite himself.

“Or is it that Your Majesty is somehow… lacking, and therefore unable to consummate it?”

The prayer beads in Zhao Yu’s hand snapped with a sharp crack, beads rolling everywhere as his gaze went pitch-dark.

“For Qin Chu’s sake, you, as the Empress of a nation…”

The crimson wedding robes and dim lamplight set off the beauty mark at the corner of his eye, making it all the more mesmerizing.

Before he could finish, my foot slipped on a bead-and I pitched forward, smearing Zhao Yu’s robes with filth.

At last, he lost all patience and knocked me out with a single blow.
At the next morning’s court, several consorts came to pay respects to me, the new Empress.

Noble Consort Zhang, arrogant as ever, showed up late.

She lounged against a soft couch with a tinkling laugh, idly toying with her long nails as she led with the first strike.

“I heard His Majesty had scarcely spent one night with Her Majesty the Empress before issuing an edict at dawn to take this concubine on a pleasure trip to Jiangnan.”

“Her Majesty the Empress won’t blame this concubine for sharing in His Majesty’s favor, will she?”

I sipped my tea without a ripple. “How could I blame you? If anything, what I have with the Noble Consort is something even His Majesty can’t compare to.”

Thrown by my non sequitur, Noble Consort Zhang blinked. “This concubine hasn’t read much, but I recall that for three generations, my family and Her Majesty the Empress’s family…”

Seeing her about to collect herself, I stepped forward, took her hand with affectionate earnestness, and cut off her train of thought.

“I was born to the prime minister’s estate, and the Noble Consort to the marshal’s. Civil and military, balancing each other-we’re a match made in heaven. Why should we end up as sisters at odds over a man?”

Consort Shu, a hopeless romantic, chimed in from the side with an expression that screamed she was shipping it. “Noble Consort Zhang, Her Majesty speaks true. We sisters of the harem should unite and help one another-‘share a grave and dwell together.'”

Noble Consort Zhang looked thoughtful.

A servant outside announced, “My Lady Noble Consort, the carriage His Majesty sent to fetch Your Ladyship is already waiting outside.”

My eyes flicked, and I let myself fall into the Noble Consort’s arms.

She caught me on reflex, and the two of us ended up in a very compromising embrace.

The entire Kunning Palace fell into stunned silence.

Then an untimely voice sounded:

“Li Qianqian, I put you in charge of the harem, not to make things difficult for the consorts…”

Zhao Yu strode in wearing bright yellow dragon robes-and stopped dead at the sight of me wrapped around Noble Consort Zhang. His eyes widened; his words cut off.

He deliberately ignored me, his tone going a few degrees colder. “Noble Consort, I have been waiting outside for quite some time…”

Clinging to the Noble Consort, I let my eyes brim with tears. “Sister Zhang, your little sister just twisted her ankle…”

Noble Consort Zhang looked torn, glancing from me to Zhao Yu. I gave her an encouraging look.

At last she made up her mind and stepped forward. “Your Majesty, this concubine believes that for a trip to Jiangnan, you can care for yourself just fine on your own. Besides, with your lowly sta-mmph…”

It seemed I’d triggered some strange bug in the Noble Consort, so I hurried to clap a hand over her mouth.

Zhao Yu let out a breathy laugh of pure fury, a faint curve at his lips while his eyes went cold enough to kill. “Li Qianqian, do you have no imperial physicians at your side? Must I send my consort to wait on you?”

I buried my face against Noble Consort Zhang, my voice syrup-soft. “Jiangnan’s sun and wind are harsh. I can’t bear for Sister to suffer them…”

Noble Consort Zhang’s heart melted. “Only little sister knows how to care for me…”

Finally, Zhao Yu snapped, about to lunge over and throttle me-only for Noble Consort Zhang to flip him cleanly to the floor.

I stared, slack-jawed, then couldn’t help giving her a thumbs-up.

What a hero. What arm strength!

“Your Majesty, Her Majesty the Empress is still so young. To squabble with a child is no conduct for a gentleman.”

Zhao Yu lay prone, utterly defeated. The smile never left his face-it had simply migrated to mine.