After the Retired Emperor Abdicated - Chapter 6

Chapter 6

“Pei Jun, I know it’s incredibly unfair of me to say all this to you. But I just like you. I just want to see you. That was true back then, and it’s still true now. That’s all. If you never want to see me again, then I won’t appear in front of you anymore.”

After saying that, I kept my tears hovering right on the edge of falling, turned around, and walked out.

I walked very slowly. With every step, I was howling internally: Seriously? You’re still not going to stop me? Stop me! I’m begging you, stop me already!

“Jiang Zhi…” At last, he called out to me.

I suppressed my delight and turned back, only to see anger on his face, restrained and barely held in, mixed with resentment and hurt. “Why should I accept your feelings just because you like me? Why should I betray myself just because you say you regret it? Jiang Zhi, what exactly am I to you? A bargaining chip you can use when you’re down on your luck, or a toy to amuse yourself with when you’re lonely?”

After three years apart, Pei Jun had not only become unhinged, he had grown. He saw right through my little game of playing hard to get. He knew I was basically just lusting after his body, and he exposed me with one devastating blow.

The sight of Pei Jun with reddened eyes was, honestly, very tempting. But seeing him so hurt, I couldn’t muster even the slightest improper thought.

He seemed to have given up on himself a little. Looking at me, his eyes were full of mockery. “Why don’t you just tell me plainly? Do you want one night with me to make up for your regrets from back then, or do you simply enjoy watching me lose my mind and get led around by the nose?”

I fell silent for a moment, feeling that one night clearly wouldn’t be enough. At the very least, it would take several times to achieve my goal.

But from the sound of him, he couldn’t wait to draw a clean line between us, let alone discuss how many times anything would happen.

So I simply gave up on pretending and deliberately tried to provoke him. “Yes. I want to use you. I want to toy with you. I’m restless and shameless, and in your heart I’m the worst, most awful person alive. But what can you do about it? I can’t stop thinking about you. I like you. I want to seduce you. Bad luck for you that I’ve set my sights on you.”

Pei Jun didn’t say anything else, but his face turned red at an astonishing speed. He must have been furious with me.

This time, it wasn’t a tactic. I really did leave, and I left quickly.

When I reached Xuan Yun’s chambers, I flopped onto the table and started wailing dryly. “It’s over. The two of us have completely talked ourselves into a dead end. You figure it out yourself. If you’re capable enough, I won’t even object if you two have a child together. A child born to the two of you would be as legitimate as legitimate gets!”

Xuan Yun sighed and asked me, “Are you sure he doesn’t like you anymore?”

I shook my head. “I’m not sure. But I am sure he hates me to death.”

Xuan Yun looked at me and asked again, “Then do you still like him?”

It would have been better if she hadn’t asked. Now I wailed even louder, still without shedding a single tear, and dodged the question. “Is he even human? He spent three years at the border getting beaten by wind, sun, and rain. How did he come back even better-looking?!”

Xuan Yun, who had absolutely no romantic experience, suddenly acted like a seasoned love expert and began instructing me. “When one meets a beloved, one straightens one’s robes and crown. How could he not look good? I heard that the night before he entered the palace, he came home covered in travel dust and changed outfits eight times in a row. Jiang Zhi, have you noticed that you also spent over half an hour longer than usual getting ready yesterday?”

The two of us had been poking each other right in the sore spots for more than a day or two, so I shot back, “With your status, barring any surprises, you’re going to be single for the rest of your life. Why study romance so thoroughly? So you can play the role of spectator?”

The moment I said it, sorrow welled up inside me.

Because with my status, barring any surprises, I was also going to be single for the rest of my life.

And the saddest part was that I couldn’t even manage to have an affair!