All Civil and Military Officials in a Panic - Chapter 1

Chapter 1
My father often said that His Majesty was moody and unpredictable.

I didn’t believe him.

Last winter, His Majesty issued a new decree: women could take the imperial exams too.

That was what I called wise rule.

My mother said, “Don’t listen to your father. He’s been a coward his whole life, so everyone looks like a tiger to him.”

I thought my mother was right.

So I resolved to enter court as an official and devote myself to easing the emperor’s burdens.

On the day the results were posted, the entrance to the examination compound was packed shoulder to shoulder.

Some people nearby were crying, some were laughing, and some were hugging the person next to them and jumping up and down. Two grown men, as if they weren’t hot enough already.

I started looking from the first name down.

Someone bumped into me.

“Move, move, move.”

The man was so fat he practically oozed grease, and his clothes looked ready to burst. “Don’t block the way. Let me see if I passed.”

I said, “You bumped into me.”

He gave me a sidelong look. “So what if I did? What’s a woman doing pushing in here? Go home and embroider something.”

I couldn’t be bothered with him, so I shifted to the side.

Fifth from the bottom, sixth from the bottom…

The fat man’s voice exploded from up ahead. “I passed! I passed!”

He leaped into the air, and when he landed, he nearly stepped on an old man’s foot.

At the very bottom!

I saw my name.

Wang Guilan.

Shuntian Prefecture.

Thirty-seventh place.

I had passed.

Dead last, but I had passed.

Someone nearby started muttering, “Wang Guilan? Isn’t that Grand Tutor Wang’s daughter?”

“Which Grand Tutor Wang?”

“Who else? The one in the Grand Secretariat.”

“Oh. No wonder she passed.”

“His Majesty only allowed women into the imperial exams on a whim. You actually took it seriously?”

The speaker wore a cloth robe that had been washed until it was nearly white.

When he saw me turn to look at him, he flinched.

“What are you looking at?”

I said, “Your face. So when I become an official, you’d better hope I don’t run into you.”

My mother taught me that.

People who curse you behind your back are cowards. They aren’t worth hitting on the spot, but they are worth remembering.

When I got home, my father was pacing in the courtyard.

The moment he saw me come in, he strode over. “Did you pass?”

“I passed.”

His eyes lit up. “What rank?”

“Thirty-seventh.”

He sighed. “Last place?”

“Yes.”

“Last place is fine. At least you passed. Do you know what people are saying outside? They’re all saying you got in because of me, that I threw away all my dignity to pave the way for you…”

“Then I’ll become Huiyuan and show them.”

His mouth fell open. “Huiyuan? Do you know how many candidates there are across the country?”

“No.”

“More than three thousand!”

“Oh.”

“Oh?” He panicked. “What do you mean, oh? More than three thousand candidates fighting for one Huiyuan spot, and you…”

My mother came back from outside.

She had just finished practicing archery. A bow was still slung over her shoulder, she wore a fitted training outfit, and she was covered in sweat.

Hearing my father’s words, she leaned the bow against the wall.

“That’s my daughter. Take it. Pass it. Make those gossipy bastards die of spite.”

My father said helplessly, “You just keep spoiling her!”

My mother patted my head. “Don’t listen to your father. He’s been a coward his whole life. A few words from other people and he can’t sleep. Remember this: on the battlefield, if someone’s mouth runs too much, you cut them down. In the exam hall, if someone’s mouth runs too much, you outscore them.”

For the additional test in the third session of the Metropolitan Examination, the question was handed out: The southwest frontier is troubled by enemy incursions, and provisions cannot keep up. Propose a strategy.

I ground my ink while I thought.

The grain transport could not take the main roads. It would be too easy to rob.

It had to be split into three routes: two feints and one real convoy.

Set ambushes along the way, lure the enemy into raiding, then wipe them out instead.

Provisions for the border passes were hauled over thousands of miles, with enormous losses along the way.

My mother had once used a method: have the soldiers carry their own rations, twenty days’ worth per man, then resupply locally once they arrived. That saved all the back-and-forth hauling.

There was another method: requisition grain from the locals. Pay them. If they refused to hand it over, beat them.

Borderfolk were all fence-sitters. They followed whoever was stronger.

I wrote all of that down and turned in my paper early.

On the day the results were posted, I was at home practicing archery.

When my father came in, I had just finished a round.

He pointed outside. “Guilan! Guilan!”

“What rank?”

“First! Huiyuan!”

He grabbed me and dragged me toward the door. “Hurry, hurry. The entrance to the examination compound is in an uproar.”