Give Me Back My Girlfriend - Chapter 1

Chapter 1

I was woken up by a call from my manager, Sister Li.

“Stop sleeping. I know this has nothing to do with you, but stop sleeping!

“Get up and come watch the drama! C-ent hasn’t been this lively in ages!”

Completely baffled, I opened the trending topics list.

The number one trending topic: #GiveMeBackMyFactoryOriginalGirlfriend#

What the hell was that supposed to be?

I tapped in and saw that Shen Qi’an, a top celebrity who had only posted ads for years, had posted on Weibo at five in the morning:

[Give me back my pretty girlfriend! Give me back my factory-original girlfriend! Give me back my cute girlfriend! Heartbeat Moment production team, I’ll never let you get away with this! Damn it all, before she joined the show, my girlfriend said she only loved me. After joining, I became Boyfriend No. 5! Give me back my factory-original girlfriend!]

Attached was a selfie.

In the photo, Shen Qi’an’s eyes were red, his hair a mess.

He was holding up a sheet of white paper. Written on it, in a blood-red scrawl, were the words:

[Give Me Back My Factory-Original Girlfriend]

I was even more confused.

Also, wasn’t Heartbeat Moment the dating variety show I was currently on?

Utterly lost, I started reading the comments.

[Who pissed him off this time?]

[Bro, with that face, how did you secretly end up as Boyfriend No. 5?]

[I’m dying. Only on Weibo can you see a guy whose girlfriend cheated on him cyberbullying the production team.]

[I wish I could live my whole life as shamelessly as him.]

So trendy. So abstract.

Couldn’t understand it.

So sleepy.

Sister Li’s voice rang out again.

It dragged my willpower back from the edge of dreamland.

“Aren’t you on that show? Help me figure out which one of them is Shen Qi’an’s girlfriend.

“This guy announced half a year ago that he had a girlfriend, but no one could dig up who she was. I’m dying of curiosity!”

I hummed a vague response.

Uninterested, I opened WeChat.

The loading circle spun twice, then a bright red “99+” popped up.

“???”

Chapter 2

With a brain that was still barely awake, I thought for a moment.

Last night, before going to sleep, I had sent my online boyfriend a message:

[Babe, if anyone adds you as a friend, can you just say you’re my older brother?]

Right after sending it, I had been unable to resist my drowsiness and fallen into a deep sleep.

Sure, he had always been the type to cry and make a fuss, to fight and compete, to shed tears pit-pat-pit-pat just because I forgot to reply once.

But surely he wouldn’t send this many messages over something so small!

I scrolled up.

I had sent my message at eleven thirty.

He didn’t reply until one in the morning.

[Babe, just be honest with me.]

[I’m mentally prepared. Really.]

[Am I number three or number four?]

At two:

[Don’t tell me I’m number five?]

[Haha, just kidding. How could that be?]

[You never used to make me be the side piece.]

[…Wait, I really am?]

[Lu Yumian, you have a huge appetite.]

[I’m going to make a scene. You picked the wrong guy. I’m not that easy to mess with!]

At three:

[Let’s break up.]

[Unless you make me the official one.]

[At the very least, I have to be number three. I can’t go any lower.]

[In your eyes, am I the kind of person who would swallow my pride and be someone’s Boyfriend No. 5?]

[I’m telling you loud and clear: I’m not!!]

At four:

[Wuuuu, no, no breakup.]

[I just wanted to rank a little higher. Actually, being number five is great too. Five blessings descend upon the home, five grains bring a bountiful harvest, five colors make the world bright…]

[Babe, can you please answer me?]

[I knew I shouldn’t have agreed to let you join that dating show! This is all the production team’s fault! You were seduced by those bad men!]

[I’m going to defend my rights right now and make the production team compensate me! Unethical production team! Give me back my girlfriend!]

“…”

Why did this feel… not quite right?

My brain crashed. With trembling hands, I switched back to Weibo.

After the automatic refresh, the screen showed that Shen Qi’an had replied to three comments.

[Where are my industry connections?! Who knows who his girlfriend is? She’s playing such a wild game!]

Shen Qi’an replied: [If you knew who my girlfriend was, you’d think I was blessed too.]

[Shen, a bad woman like that is just messing with you. Expose her name. We’ll ruin her reputation.]

Shen Qi’an replied: [Who gave you permission to insult her? What do you know?! She only made one tiny mistake that any woman in the world could make! In the end, isn’t it the people tempting her who are the real problem? Also, I’m not your brother. I already became a brother yesterday, painlessly!]

[What in the epic-level lovesick brainrot. Why are you defending your rights? Break up with her!]

Shen Qi’an replied: [Are you trying to move up the ranks too? I’m not breaking up! I’m already down to Boyfriend No. 5. If I break up now and we get back together later, won’t I end up as No. 8 or No. 16?!]

By then, the later commenters had given up trying to persuade him.

[He’s beyond saving. Nobody leave without spitting on him first.]

Underneath was a neat row of “hahahahahaha.”

I was the only one who couldn’t laugh.

I cleared my throat and spoke with difficulty:

“Sister Li, I think I know who Shen Qi’an’s girlfriend is.”

“Who?”

“Me.”