Let Lost Love Lie - Chapter 4

The carriage lurched nervously onward. Apparently finding the driver too slow, Xie Yan clicked his tongue in irritation. The man, already past fifty, stiffened all over and dared not turn around.

I did not know why Xie Yan had returned now. His letter had clearly said there was more to the case than first appeared, and he might not be back until late spring next year.

It would have been one thing if I had still been at the Shen residence. Instead, he had caught me out in the open.

As the carriage entered Hanguang Temple, Xie Yan lifted his eyes. His voice drifted toward me.

“I used to give you everything you wanted. I never saw you begging gods and Buddhas for anything.”

“Has marriage reduced you to such straits that you must come to a temple to pray?”

His tone was mocking.

“What did you ask for?”

“A loving marriage? Or plenty of children?”

Seeing his expression darken, I hastened to soothe him and answered honestly, “Neither. I came to pray for a divorce.”

Xie Yan paused, turned his face, and stared at me. Suddenly he was quiet.

Bracing myself, I repeated the excuse I had given Shen Cizhou that night: we hardly knew each other.

By the time we stepped down from the carriage, his expression had improved considerably. He followed me at an unhurried pace, without any of the icy smiles, mockery, or fury of our journey here.

I had thought that if the husband I married cherished and loved me, I might have some room to maneuver when Xie Yan returned.

But Shen Cizhou did not like me. Worse, he had a childhood sweetheart he could not have. So I had given up and decided to let them be together.

What I could not understand was why pretending to lose my memory had thrown everything into chaos overnight.

Under Xie Yan’s gaze, I knelt on a prayer cushion before the gods and Buddhas.

But I did not pray for a divorce from Shen Cizhou.

A divorce was still necessary. Just absolutely not yet.

Xie Yan was back.

Before ending my marriage, I had to find myself another way out.

I did not make it back to the Shen residence.

After we offered incense, Xie Yan kicked the driver off the carriage and drove away without looking back.

He had always done exactly as he pleased. Leaving the driver on that deserted mountain road, he merely said, “Tell your master that A-Ning has gone home to visit the Xies. She won’t be back tonight.”

“No.” His lips curved, his tone allowing no argument. “She won’t be back at all.”

We traveled a long way in the opposite direction from the Shen residence. He helped me down, and I lowered my eyes at the familiar plaque over the Xie family’s gates.

All the way to my rooms, maids and servants bowed in greeting. Xie Yan led me by the wrist, issuing instructions for my food, clothes, and every aspect of my daily life.

Replace all the bedding. Have a carpet made from the finest material in the capital… Then he remembered the carriage outside. Turning to me, his lips red, he smiled.

“You’ve been away so long, A-Ning. You probably won’t be wanting to go out, will you?”

My scalp prickled.

At the sight of my rather neglected courtyard, he stopped. His expression lost all warmth. The servants who had shirked their duties dropped to their knees, trembling. But as they begged for mercy, he abruptly changed his mind.

He was all smiles again, the coldness entirely gone.

“A-Ning left without a word and stayed away for six months.”

“Since your courtyard has fallen into disrepair, you can stay with me.”

I pressed my lips together and was about to speak when his gaze caught a little girl in plain clothes peeking from behind a distant tree. Frowning, he asked casually, “Who is that?”

The maid stammered, hesitant. Steward Chen of the marquis’s household arrived late, panting for breath.

“Young Master, someone from the palace has come to summon you. They’re waiting outside.”

“As for the child—”

His gaze flickered toward the figure behind the tree. Then he smiled.

“Probably some servant’s child who doesn’t know the rules. She must have wandered off while playing.”

Once Xie Yan had been drawn away, Steward Chen let out a breath and signaled behind him. Someone quickly took the child away.

Standing beside me, he watched her struggle, perfectly composed.

“Perhaps you haven’t heard, Cousin Miss. After you married six months ago, His Lordship had no choice but to find a group of children to continue testing the medicine in your place.”

He smiled, narrowing his eyes.

“Do you think, when they wake from their midnight dreams, they hate you for running away?”

Xie Yan had still not returned by late that night.

Naturally, no one went to clean my old courtyard. Shortly after he left, a maid escorted me to his rooms.

Whatever Xie Yan wanted, someone would always see it done.

I lay fully clothed on his bed for a long time, my eyes open. When the candlelight dimmed and the night maid’s nodding shadow grew still against the doorframe, I carefully climbed out of the window.

I had lived here for more than ten years, after all. Familiar with every turn, I avoided the patrolling guards and took a deliberate detour through the snow until I reached an utterly abandoned courtyard.

I stood outside for a moment. In the end, I went in.

Hearing the noise, the child from earlier poked her head out through the dilapidated doorway.

She did not actually look like a servant’s child. Her plain clothes were inconspicuous, but she had been kept very clean.

She gave a low warning growl. When I continued toward her, she turned to run.

My fingers curled involuntarily.

A child of five or six could hardly outrun me. Her face went pale with the effort, until I cornered her in a cramped side room. She glared at me like a little beast ready to bite.

I came no closer. Instead, I tossed a few pieces of silver at her feet.

“Behind the bamboo grove on the hill, there’s a hole that leads straight outside the grounds.”

My face expressionless, I said, “Get out.”

She seemed to understand. She stopped growling, most of her body hidden behind the table and chairs, but kept watching me warily.

Or rather, watching the space behind me.

I turned. Steward Chen stood there with a wooden box in his hands, looking at me kindly.

He sickened me just as much as he had all those years ago.