My Boyfriend Is a Sword Cultivator - Chapter 1

Chapter 1

After working overtime until late at night, I dragged myself out of the office with my head spinning-and got struck by lightning.

That is not an exaggeration. I mean it literally.

There was a flash of white light, a deafening boom, and then I went crack and collapsed on the ground.

Good news: even though I got zapped so hard smoke was coming out of my mouth, I wasn’t really hurt, aside from a painless, harmless lightning-shaped mark that appeared on my palm.

Bad news: my phone was fried, adding insult to injury to my already very not-wealthy life.

The next day, I tearfully spent two hundred bucks getting my phone repaired.

The moment I turned it on after the repair, I noticed a new app on my home screen-Immortal Alliance Dating Club (Mortal-Blocked Edition).

At first, I didn’t pay it any mind. I figured the system had short-circuited after being struck by lightning and automatically downloaded some random little game.

It wasn’t until one day after work, when I opened it out of boredom, that I was shocked to discover it was actually a forum.

All the posts on the forum were related to cultivation.

And without exception, every single one was absurd.

For example, this one:

[Question for my fellow Daoists: my bonded sword has been pestering me about changing its color lately. What should I do?]

The comment section was full of suggestions:

[Totally normal. My sword is already on its fourth color scheme.]

[Change it to something cooler. You’ll look awesome carrying it around!]

[Spiritual swords have preferences too. Just let it do what it wants.]

The original poster replied:

[But it wants to be red and green.]

…

And this one:

[Seriously? I’m a medical cultivator, and instead of doing anything else, I’m selling abortion pills every day. Can you body cultivators maybe show some restraint? You’re the ones buying the most.]

A bunch of people with profile pictures of biceps, abs, and back muscles flooded the comments.

[I’m suing you for slander! I’m suing you for slander, you hear me?!]

[We body cultivators are busy training our muscles every day. This was definitely the Joyful Union Sect next door!]

[To the person above, what kind of people do you think our Joyful Union Sect likes best?]

[…]

[Gu cultivator passing by. Gu cultivator is shocked… No wonder Joyful Union Gu has been selling so well lately.]

[Investigate this properly! I knew it was all the Joyful Union Sect’s fault!]

…

And then there was this one:

[This is so weird. Why does my Human Sovereign Banner keep billowing black smoke no matter how I refine it? Any senior brothers who understand this, please give me some advice.]

The comment section was also baffled.

[Dao Ancestor above, why is it so black it’s practically gleaming? Never seen anything like this in all my years!]

[We’ve never run into this situation either. We’re just as confused.]

Then a new comment timidly popped up.

[I clicked on the poster’s profile just now. The OP is an exchange student from Equatorial Guinea. The resentful souls absorbed by the Human Sovereign Banner are all Black guys…]

[Then… then never mind.]

[Then never mind…]

[…]