My Husband Wants to Ram the Pillar - Chapter 1

Chapter 1

The main hall was so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

Everyone stared, dumbstruck, as I stepped forward and took Song Liu’s hand.

“Since Miss Song has come all this way, you should settle in properly. The Cheng Mansion will not mistreat you.”

Clatter.

My mother-in-law’s teacup slipped from her hand and shattered on the floor.

Thud.

A young servant entering the room tripped over himself and fell flat on the ground.

Only I curved my lips into a flawless smile.

Cheng Xihuai and I were bound by an imperial marriage decree.

He was the most feared young general in the dynasty, born into a prestigious military family.

My father was the emperor’s Grand Tutor, a stubborn old man with a foul temper.

The two of them disagreed on politics and bickered in court every single day.

Cheng Xihuai was young, after all, and viciously good at barbed remarks. More than once, he angered my father so badly that the old man nearly slammed his head into a pillar in front of the entire court.

The Young Emperor said, “At this rate, you two could argue forever and neither of you would die.”

And so, he bestowed me in marriage to Cheng Xihuai.

After the wedding, I carried on my father’s tradition. Cheng Xihuai and I had a small fight every three days and a major one every five.

The only difference was that now I was the one telling Cheng Xihuai to hurry up and go bash his head against a pillar.

I said I was in a rush to become a widow. I wanted to seize the Cheng Family fortune and go to Wanhua House to keep ten pretty male courtesans.

Every day, right in front of his memorial tablet, I would enjoy myself with them.

Cheng Xihuai’s face turned black with rage, but he couldn’t take it out on me.

So that very day, he entered the palace and requested permission from the emperor to lead troops into battle.

He could kill a hundred or so Xiongnu to vent his anger.

I heard my father happened to be in the palace that day as well. When he learned of this, he was overjoyed.

He even stood outside the main hall and carefully picked out the sturdiest pillar, saying he wanted to gift it to his dearest son-in-law.

Perhaps this was my retribution. On the third day after Cheng Xihuai left for war, I fell into the water.

I was unconscious for three days. Countless physicians were summoned, but none could help.

By the looks of it, before I could become a widow, Cheng Xihuai was about to become a widower.

Yet three days later, I suddenly woke up, completely recovered, without the slightest lingering trace of illness.

Everyone treated it as if it had all been a bad dream.

Only I knew that after that illness, I had somehow gained the ability to hear people’s thoughts.

On the day Cheng Xihuai returned in triumph, the capital was in an uproar.

Everyone said he had brought back a stunningly beautiful woman, and that she was suspected to be pregnant.

My first reaction upon hearing the news was:

I wanted to be a widow.

Just as I was hesitating over whether to use the broadsword I was best at, or simply slam his head into the pillar outside the main hall and fulfill my father’s lifelong dream…

Cheng Xihuai led the woman through the door.

A servant invited me to the main hall. I stormed over in a fury, but the moment I reached the doorway, I suddenly stopped.

Cheng Xihuai stood by the door with his arms crossed, his brows tightly furrowed as he looked at me.

The woman was delicate and frail, dressed all in white, the sort of beauty that inspired instant pity. Yet the way she supported her not-yet-showing belly carried a clear hint of provocation.

At first glance, neither of them seemed to have come with good intentions.

But then I distinctly heard two voices shoot into my mind.

The woman’s voice said:

[This expression should be vicious enough, right? They won’t realize I’m acting, will they?]

The man’s voice said:

[Wuwuwuwuwu, my wife! I! Miss! You! So! Much!]

[Marching and fighting is awful. I couldn’t even see my wife, wuwuwu. Next time, I have to secretly take a few pieces of her clothing with me and hug them to sleep.]

My foot twisted mid-step, and I nearly fell.

I jerked my head up and met Cheng Xihuai’s utterly calm eyes.

You little bastard, since when were you this much of a pervert?!