Sour Loquats - Chapter 3

After leaving her, I went to the garden to practice the qin.

A servant announced that Miss Xie had come to see me.

She was one of my closest friends in the capital.

The moment she saw me, she began to cry.

“Ashu, Father has punished Mother again.”

A few months earlier, her father had taken a concubine. The woman was so calculating that she had him utterly bewitched.

“She was the one who pushed Mother and broke her arm. The servants all saw it! But Father brushed the whole thing aside. He barely scolded her, let alone punished her. Instead, he said Mother was petty and couldn’t bear to make room for anyone else.”

My friend’s voice was hoarse from crying.

“They used to love each other so much. Ever since that woman came into the household, Father won’t distinguish right from wrong. He favors his concubine and mistreats his wife.”

I wiped her tears and spent a long time comforting her.

Only then did she calm down.

She looked at me with envy.

“You’re the fortunate one, Ashu. The old madam loves you.”

“Whoever you marry, she’ll be there to stand up for you.”

“Mother’s family has so little influence. Father lets that vixen blind him, and she’s always coaxing him into mistreating Mother.”

Was it only because the concubine coaxed him?

I smiled without answering.

“By the way, now that you’ve had your hairpin ceremony, you can be betrothed. Have you chosen someone?”

My friend worried about me too.

“The third young master is all very well, but he’s rather unreliable.”

“Your hairpin ceremony was such an important occasion, and he went to see a courtesan instead! The whole capital is talking about it. It was outrageous.”

Then she remembered the gift he had sent.

“Still, that luminous pearl from the Eastern Sea really is precious. I hear he went to enormous trouble to get it.”

At last, she reached her conclusion.

“He has a few little faults, but on the whole, he does favor you. Whatever he spent on that courtesan can’t compare to your pearl. If you choose him, he’ll treat you well once you’re married.”

“I didn’t choose him.”

She stared for several seconds before she understood.

“What? Then who did you choose?”

“Fourth Cousin.”

“I don’t believe you. You liked your third cousin so much, and he favored you too. You cared for each other. Why would you suddenly want to marry someone else?”

She did not understand.

In this household, I seemed fortunate and well respected.

In truth, I could never quite compare to a daughter of the family.

All my life, people had praised me for being gentle and composed. In reality, I was simply careful.

I did not need to be someone’s favorite. A man who favored me today could favor another woman tomorrow.

Just like those loquats: five plates when things were good, not a single plate when they were bad.

If I married Third Cousin, I would have to make sure he always liked me in order to live well.

Fourth Cousin, though, was rigid and stubborn. He had rules and principles of his own.

When I quarreled with his younger full sister as a child, he questioned the servants and pieced together everything that had happened.

If I was at fault, he punished me. If she was at fault, he punished her.

Fourth Cousin judged the matter, not the person. As long as I was in the right, I was free to do as I pleased in his presence.

I had no family of my own, only Nurse at my side. The old madam loved me, but she could not attend to everything.

Third Cousin could favor me now and someone else later.

With Fourth Cousin, as long as I had done nothing wrong, as long as I was in the right, his fairness would protect me from injustice. My position as his wife would remain secure.

In the capital, among the powerful, within the inner courtyards of their households, romantic love was such an uncertain thing.

Rather than gamble on being someone’s favorite for a lifetime, I would stake my future on a character shaped in childhood, its roots already deep.

All I asked was fairness.

I wanted those two plates of loquats, given to me every year whether Fourth Cousin liked me or not.

My friend said goodbye, and I saw her out.

When I returned, a gust of wind swept through the garden.

My music scattered across the ground.

I hurried over and bent to gather it.

I had picked up a few sheets and was just straightening when a hand with well-defined knuckles appeared before me.

Fourth Cousin held a riding whip in one hand and my music in the other.

He had just finished training at the riding grounds and was still in his black riding clothes.

The fitted clothes emphasized his tall, sturdy frame.

He helped me put the sheets in order.

I poured him a cup of tea, which he drank in one gulp.

“I took something to Grandmother.”

Holding the cup, he turned it absently a few times.

Usually so composed and reserved, he seemed hesitant now.

“I heard that you put my name on the marriage contract instead of Third Brother’s.”

“I’ve thought about it for a long time, and I couldn’t settle my mind. So I came to ask you.”

“Was it your own decision, or did Grandmother choose for you?”

His voice softened, as though he was afraid of frightening me.

“Ashu, if you don’t want to marry me, I’ll speak to Grandmother. I won’t let you be put in a difficult position.”

That was precisely why I had chosen him.

He was a decent man. Whether I married him or not, he would respect my wishes.

I smiled.

“Fourth Cousin, I do want to.”