The Immortal Is a Yandere - Chapter 1

Allow me a brief defense of how I came to provoke that lunatic Xiao Yan.

Yes, six months earlier, I had deliberately fallen onto him.

That day, I was secretly tracking a charm demon.

Those things are good at disappearing and changing their faces.

I saw it take the form of a handsome man and enter a forest, so I followed.

It was drinking alone in the woods. To avoid tipping it off, I thought I’d get it drunk before capturing it—except it had already slipped away again.

So I went and threw myself at what I thought was the demon.

One cup of wine later, we nearly made the sort of action film you’d only find on Haitang Literature.

Fortunately, we hit the brakes in time.

When I looked up, there was no trace of the charm demon.

The bastard had played dirty. It had set me up.

Knowing I was tracking it, it had deliberately taken Xiao Yan’s appearance to shake me off and delivered me right to his doorstep.

The man I’d thrown myself at was the actual Xiao Yan.

Talk about running into a ghost.

Having heard my defense, the King of the Underworld chuckled. “Here’s a joke for you: if the alternative is Xiao Yan, you’re better off running into a ghost. Ghosts are scary, but they aren’t perverts.”

“…”

I could see that now.

At the time, Xiao Yan hadn’t held my groping him against me. He’d let me go after the charm demon first. Afterward, he’d carried on pretending to play nice with me as if nothing had happened.

Then he learned I was about to ascend. On the very day, when I’d survived half the heavenly lightning tribulation and was just about to become an immortal, he used a few lightning-deflecting artifacts to divert the remaining strikes.

While I was half-dead from being struck by lightning, he seized me and dragged me to the Underworld.

He said I had so many devious tricks for catching demons that I’d make an excellent die. Whenever he couldn’t make up his mind, he could toss me to decide.

So he sealed my soul inside one of his dice.

In his words, he was consecrating it.

Was that polite?

I was asking: was that fucking polite?

“That’s Xiao Yan for you,” the King said. “Forgives everything before bed. Wakes up and starts counting old grudges again.”

“…”

There was no passage between the human world and the Underworld, but my master was a walking encyclopedia.

I’d learned a thing or two about the Underworld from him.

Especially about Xiao Yan.

He had supposedly been Heaven’s God of War. Then he’d done something or other, been banished by the immortals, and ended up stranded in the Underworld.

The King’s mouth twitched. “Another joke: he conquered the Underworld. He wasn’t stranded here.”

“What?”

He paused, then added, “Xiao Yan said that once he’d stopped being an immortal, they couldn’t guilt him into doing things for the greater good or the lives of everyone in the Three Realms. He felt like a whole new man. So he decided to take over the Underworld first.”

Afraid I wouldn’t believe him, he used me as an example. “Look at how he stopped your ascension. Not a shred of guilt.”

“…”

As a die, I couldn’t roll my eyes at him, so I settled for two very sarcastic laughs.

Perhaps seeing how angry I was, he frowned and tried to comfort me by comparing our misery.

“Xiaoqi, ever since Xiao Yan came here, I’ve gone from the King of the Underworld to his lackey. Even my ghost officers go straight to him whenever they have a problem. I used to be a big shot with a thousand things to do every day. Now I’m an idle bum with nothing to do but wander the streets. Feel better?”

I thought about that for a moment. Just as I was about to speak, Xiao Yan arrived.

He looked coldly at the King. “Your Majesty, I’m still in the Underworld.”

The King’s frown vanished at once. “But honestly, ever since you took over my duties, I haven’t had to put up with a bunch of subordinates who can’t understand a damn word I say. I’ve never felt better!”

“…”

Xiao Yan rolled his eyes at him. “If you’re so fucking idle, go keep your people in line. Otherwise…”

The King knew when to take a hint. Before Xiao Yan had finished threatening him, he was gone.

After he left, Xiao Yan glanced at me. “Planning to plot against me with the King?”

I wanted to roll my eyes at him too, but again, I was a die. Silence was my only option.

When I ignored him, he continued, “Know your limits. Even fifty thousand years from now, no one in the Three Realms will be able to defeat me. Certainly not two little ghosts whose cultivation doesn’t add up to fifty thousand years between them.”

I was furious.

But he was telling the truth.

I was only three hundred years old, all told.

My second senior brother was thousands of years old and still in the Nascent Soul realm. At three hundred, I had already reached the peak of the Mahayana realm.

Master had once praised me. “The most gifted cultivator the Shenyuan Continent has seen in a hundred thousand years. No exceptions.”

But only I knew why.

I’d been born with half a divinity.

In plain language: I was destined by the Heavenly Dao to become an immortal.

Even so, next to Xiao Yan, I wasn’t worth shit.