The Immortal Is a Yandere - Chapter 3

Of course, I’d also tried finding someone outside to rescue me.

Master was my first choice.

I asked Xiao Yan, “You know the head of the Cangshan Sect?”

He turned his head and glanced at me. “The man who sends his disciples in first whenever something happens, then calls them temporary workers when things go wrong so he can dodge the blame?”

“…”

What could I say? Master’s reputation really was that bad.

That didn’t stop me from wanting to get him killed… I mean, see him.

“Yes, that bastard. He spends all day gossiping about your private life with the cultivation sects. Says you were banished by the immortals because you had affairs with two hundred and fifty immortal maidens.”

Knowing how petty Xiao Yan was, I expected him to storm off to Cangshan in a rage and take Master’s head.

Then Master would discover I was in the Underworld and come rescue me.

I watched eagerly as Xiao Yan thought for a moment, then said in all seriousness, “It wasn’t two hundred and fifty.”

“What?”

“A friend counted them for me once. Even including the tea-selling girl among the immortals who looked at me a few extra times because she wanted my purse, there were only two hundred and forty-nine.”

Was he subtly calling me a two hundred and fifty?

Refusing to give up, I pressed on. “He called you out by name at a meeting in Cangshan once. Said you weren’t a good person.”

Xiao Yan put his arms behind his head and lay down casually. “He wasn’t wrong. What decent person becomes a yandere?”

At least he knew himself.

As he lay there, something occurred to him. “I recall another rule of being a yandere: never let anyone else covet your person. Perhaps I should wipe out the Cangshan Sect. I’ve taken on a million underworld soldiers. One little Cangshan Sect is nothing.”

“…”

I’d forgotten. Xiao Yan was a fucking lunatic.

Do not provoke. Absolutely do not provoke.

“Let’s not,” I said quickly. “I’m not particularly close to anyone in Cangshan. We barely talk when we meet. These days, I don’t even remember my fellow disciples’ names. They won’t be missing me.”

He glanced at me again. “Then that’s perfect. Since you’re not close, you won’t be upset when I kill them.”

“!”

I couldn’t hold back anymore. “Do you know what this behavior would be called if you weren’t good-looking?”

He raised an eyebrow at me.

“Fucking deranged!” I declared.

I couldn’t beat him, but surely I could curse at him?

As it turned out, no.

The moment I finished, he threw me off Soul-Severing Cliff again.

“…”

Fine. No matter. I still had my imaginary victories.

One day, while Xiao Yan was rolling me around beside the cliff, a subordinate called him away on business. He left me on the edge.

After he was gone, the King of the Underworld came sneaking over.

He peered left, right, front, and back, as though afraid someone might fail to notice how guilty he looked.

“You’re the King of the Underworld,” I said flatly. “If your ghosts see you acting like this coward, will you have the face to keep ruling them?”

“…”

He plopped down where Xiao Yan had been sitting and launched into a rant. “Xiaoqi, you have no idea. Xiao Yan has gone mad lately. He wants to kill me.”

“Does he need to think about killing you?” I asked, puzzled.

That was simply the truth. Since he’d brought me here, apart from winning in my head, I’d tried strangling him with noodles while he meditated or slept. I’d tried trapping him to death in a formation. I’d even tried possessing him.

All failed.

Xiao Yan was so powerful that he had no weaknesses.

So I concluded, “Your Majesty, don’t get paranoid. If he really wanted you dead, you’d be dead already.”

The King rolled his eyes at me. “Xiaoqi, stop talking like Xiao Yan. That much arrogance will get you beaten.”

“…”

This wasn’t the first time he’d sneaked over to tell me Xiao Yan wanted to kill him.

The last time, Xiao Yan had caught him in the act. Halfway through his sentence, he’d cleverly changed it to, “I suspect you have a secret crush on me, Xiao Yan.”

Xiao Yan had handed him a mirror and told him to take a good look at his own damned face.

The time before that, just as he’d started complaining about how Xiao Yan oppressed him, Xiao Yan had appeared behind him like a haunting spirit and kicked him off the cliff.

And the time before that…

If he hadn’t looked a little familiar, even though I couldn’t for the life of me remember where I’d seen him, I couldn’t have been bothered with him.

Of course, his purpose in coming was simple: he wanted us to join forces and kill Xiao Yan.

In his words, having half a divinity made me half a member of Heaven. I only needed the right opportunity to ascend again.

He’d even arranged a new body for me, guaranteed to look exactly like my old one.

That part, I thought, was bullshit.

“Your Majesty,” I scoffed, “my second senior brother is a quack who peddles dodgy remedies, but he’s combed through all the books in the Three Realms. He never found an artifact or pill that could bring back the dead and put flesh on their bones. Listen to yourself. Does any of that sound believable?”

Then I remembered something else my senior brother had said. “The only…”

But the King cut across my recollection angrily. “Who do you think you’re looking down on? I’m the King of the Underworld! I govern life and death across the Three Realms! Back in the day…”

I’d meant to tell him about my senior brother’s one exception, but thought better of it and teased him instead. “Back in the day, Xiao Yan smashed his way through your territory.”

He choked. “He was an exception! An exception! If you’re so capable, come out and fight him yourself!”

That shut me up too. “I’m not capable. I can’t get out. You do it, if you’re so good.”

“…”

The King sighed. “Xiaoqi, we can stop hurting each other now. Really.”

Anyway, his point was that once my soul could leave the die, I wouldn’t even need to wait eighteen years to become the Shenyuan Continent’s most gifted cultivator in a hundred thousand years again. No exceptions.

The problem was, even if he really could bring back the dead, I still couldn’t fucking get out!

Goddammit!

I looked despairingly at the die imprisoning me, then at him. “Your Majesty, it’s still daytime. Wait a few more hours before you start dreaming.”

Seeing I didn’t believe him, he blurted out urgently, “Xiaoqi, it’s real this time! Xiao Yan only has six months… Ah!”

Before he could finish, Xiao Yan returned.