The Scheme of a Beauty - Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The beggar my mistress had smashed into was surnamed Liu.

His home was bare as bare could be-no, wait. He didn’t even have four walls. The fourth wall was patched together with straw.

When the wedding procession delivered me to him, he was sweeping the floor.

I sat on the tattered mat inside and watched him finish sweeping, cook the rice, and stir-fry the vegetables. Then I held my bowl and ate while watching him wash the wok after cooking, and chop firewood after washing the wok.

Mm. Full-service housework.

“Are you done eating?” He reached out to take my bowl.

I handed it to him. His fingers were long and elegant, pale as spring onions.

His voice was pretty nice, too.

After Beggar Liu finished washing the bowl, he brought me an apple and said, “My name is Liu Su. From now on, you’re not allowed to look at any other man. You’re only allowed to support your husband, raise our children, and spend the rest of your life with me.”

I said, “All right. But could you lift my bridal veil first?”

He laughed. “Didn’t you lift it yourself while you were eating? You even snuck looks at me.”

I was mortified. “Why do you talk so much?”

He used a peach branch to lift my veil. A few peach blossoms were still blooming on it.

The old deer in my heart shot to its feet and gave one vicious leap.

He really granted my every request.

I just didn’t know yet whether he had eight-pack abs, was devoted only to me, would never take concubines, would marry no one but me, and was willing to plot a rebellion and chop down the Emperor for my sake.

Night fell quickly.

It was time to investigate the answers to those questions.

I stared at his stomach and waited for him to take off his clothes.

He looked embarrassed, the tips of his ears flushing red as he frowned with restraint. “Isn’t this a little too fast?”

“A man can’t say fast.”

“Then… should I bathe first?”

Me: “…”

He didn’t even have enough walls to make four, yet he had a wooden tub for bathing?

He led me to a little stream by a sea of flowers.

Oh. Right. This wasn’t the manor.

I needed to broaden my horizons.

We became a pair of mandarin ducks in the water.

Heh heh. Mandarin ducks.

Mandarin ducks with eight-pack abs.

But this mandarin duck had a knife scar on his back.

How could a beggar have a knife scar?

He must have been bullied by passersby!

As one of the Empress Dowager’s finest assassins, how could I allow my own husband to be bullied?

I said to Liu Su, “If anyone dares bully you from now on, tell me. I’ll protect you!”

Then I showed off my biceps, which were so negligible they could basically be ignored.

He didn’t answer me. He only smiled and said, “So the prefect’s daughter is willing to bathe like mandarin ducks with a man out in the open?”

I was so embarrassed I couldn’t speak. Only after a long while did I force out, “Marry a chicken, follow the chicken; marry a dog, follow the dog!”

When Liu Su heard that, he laughed.

I said, “Bark for me.”

He shook his head.

I said, “Then crow like a rooster?”

Helplessly, he went, “Woof, woof,” twice, and I laughed like a brainless idiot.

After drying me off, he wrapped me in a blanket and carried me back to that shabby little hut over his shoulder.

He asked, “Doesn’t this make you feel like an imperial consort being carried off to serve in bed?”

I said, “It’s not like you’re the Emperor.”