This Snake Right Here Is a Black Rat Snake - Chapter 2

It took me the time it takes an incense stick to burn just to reach the foot of his desk. Then I wound my way up his thigh and slowly coiled around his waist.

Wow.

Those long, powerful thighs.

That lean, firm waist.

Those broad, strong shoulders.

Snakes were lustful by nature, and a full belly gave rise to… certain other desires.

I had just slipped inside his collar when he grabbed my tail. “Out.”

No, no. I wanted to see how big his chest was.

“Get! Out!” he said through gritted teeth.

If I angered him, there would be no more chicken. Reluctantly, I crawled back out and coiled around his shoulder.

“Hiss, hiss.”

I flicked my tongue.

His hand settled on my head and stroked me gently out of habit.

But after a single stroke, he stared speechlessly at his hand.

Oh no. The wax had not dried, and he had rubbed some of it off.

Cold sweat broke out all over me.

Fortunately, the steward entered to report.

“Your Highness, would you like your meal?”

The prince continued petting me. “Bring its snack as well.”

A snack?

I had my very own snack?

I could hardly wait. Would it be crispy roast squab?

Stewed toad meat?

Or perhaps braised crucian carp?

I slapped my tail in excitement.

Soon, dish after fragrant dish appeared on the table.

Braised pork, steamed fish, chicken stewed with mushrooms, crispy duck, and more—the sight made my drool flow for miles.

Yet before me, there was only a plate of…

Bitter melon.

Wait.

I looked up at the prince, then down at the bitter melon.

Was this right?

The prince smiled an inscrutable smile.

“Don’t you recognize your favorite bitter melon?”

Me: @#¥%*&!

That white snake from before—were you even a proper snake?

What decent snake ignored meat to eat bitter melon?

Had your life been so sweet that you needed to find yourself a little bitterness?

The prince ate his fish and meat while twisting the knife in my heart.

“Wasn’t bitter melon your favorite? You said it cleared excess heat.”

“What? You don’t like it anymore?”

I—I liked it.

Bracing myself, I gave it a lick.

Damn it all. It was more bitter than my own gallbladder.

But the prince was staring intently at me. If I refused to eat, wouldn’t he realize something was wrong?

It was fine. Tomorrow, I would eat five chickens to make up for it.

With great difficulty, I swallowed a piece of bitter melon.

Ugh.

For the rest of the evening, even my tongue tasted bitter.

Every time I finally finished one piece, the prince picked out another for me.

“The weather is hot and your inner fire runs high. You should cool it down.”

After three whole bitter melons, the bitterness had stars bursting before my eyes.

Even when I finished, the prince refused to spare me.

“You always drink goat’s milk before bed.”

“You couldn’t have any while you were away from home these past few days. You must have missed it.”

A large steaming pot of goat’s milk sat before me.

I fell silent.

I liked mutton.

But what in the world was goat’s milk?

Besides, snakes laid eggs. Had he ever seen an egg-laying animal drink milk?

Could he please have some common sense?

But the prince had already ladled out a saucer for me. I had no choice but to crawl over and lap it up.

It was not too bad. If I ignored the gamey smell, it was no different from ordinary water.

I thought one saucer would be enough. I never expected to have to drink the entire pot.

I might as well drown in it.

By the time I finally finished, my belly was too swollen for me to coil up. I could only lie stiff and straight across the table.

The prince was in high spirits and still would not let me off.

He made me listen to music with him and even wanted me to share my thoughts afterward.

A group of beauties sat before us, playing the zither, erhu, and pipa all at once.

It sounded lovely. Just a little loud.

Suddenly, my stomach rumbled, and a cloud of gas rushed toward the exit.

I struggled to hold it in.

But I could not.

Pfffft—

The tremendous fart echoed through the room. Everyone jumped, and the music stopped dead.

They looked at one another.

Someone turned blankly toward the window. “Was that thunder?”

The prince, who had been resting with his eyes closed, opened them and glanced at me.

Then he raised a hand.

“Continue.”

The beauties resumed playing.

But more and more gas built inside my belly, until I could no longer contain it.

Just as the music reached its grandest crescendo, an untimely accompaniment joined in.

Pfft-pfft-pfft-pfft-pfft-pfft-pfft-pfft-pfft—

Everyone looked at me.

I wanted to die of shame.

This snake’s image was utterly ruined.

During the day, the prince, Xuan Lin, discussed important matters with a group of officers beside the lotus pond.

Coiled in a tree, I spotted an exceptionally plump green frog squatting on a lotus leaf by the water.

I craved it terribly.

Every day, my staple was chicken, my snack was bitter melon, and before bed I had to drink a pot of goat’s milk.

It had been ages since I tasted wild fare like frogs, sparrows, or snails.

Just as temptation stirred, Xuan Lin and his men finished their discussion and all turned to stare at me.

One man flattered him. “Your Highness’s snake is truly extraordinary. It eats fresh melons and crisp fruit and drinks goat’s milk and morning dew.”

Another chimed in, “Exactly. Any ordinary snake would have been drooling over that frog long ago.”

“Only a white snake, an immortal creature such as this, would disdain something as lowly as a frog.”

I swallowed my drool and guiltily withdrew behind the leaves.

Xuan Lin gave me a meaningful look.

“White snakes are royalty among serpents, wise and deeply spiritual. Naturally, they have no taste for such bloody, filthy things.”

All I could do was salivate over the fat frog.

But the harder something was to get, the more I wanted it.

For several days in a row, I kept watch beside the pond.

The frog remained there, croaking at me and glaring.

Good heavens. It was taunting me.

I had to eat it.

Today, only Xuan Lin and the general were by the pond. While neither was looking, I crept toward the water.

I had barely stretched half my body over the edge when Xuan Lin appeared behind me like a ghost.

“What are you doing?”

I jolted in fright, lost my balance, and toppled into the pond with a splash.

Watching me thrash and struggle, Xuan Lin sighed.

“So innocent and carefree. Even a little water can make you frolic so happily.”

The general said, “Your Highness, I think it’s drowning.”

Xuan Lin sounded supremely confident.

“My snake could not possibly be unable to swim.”

I blew streams of bubbles beneath the water.

True, most black rat snakes could swim, but I was the exception!

The general peered more closely.

“Your Highness, I think it really is drowning.”

“Impossible. It’s a snake. Have you ever heard of a snake drowning?”

Hello? Could he not see that I had stopped thrashing?

The general stared in horror. “Your Highness, it—it really looks like it’s dying.”

Xuan Lin was usually so astute, yet now he was as blind as a bat—and proud of it too.

“It is a remarkably intelligent snake. Something as simple as swimming could never trouble it.”

My corpse was about to go cold.

Xuan Lin.

This little snake is a land snake—

Glub, glub, glub-glub-glub.