Yu and Jing - Chapter 4

Before I knew it, April had arrived. Lu Jing had been staying with me for more than half a month.

At first he scarcely spoke. Apart from wearing dresses, his favorite thing seemed to be watching me grind herbs in the back courtyard. Once we grew more familiar, he became more talkative and would chat with me now and then.

One day, sitting beside me, he said without warning, “The peach blossoms are fading.”

I looked up. A good many of the blossoms that had once crowded the branches had indeed fallen. “It’s April. Their time has come. They’ll bloom again next year.”

“At the prince’s residence, the flowers never faded.”

He seldom brought up his past. I did not press him now. I only murmured agreement and kept working.

“But people faded quickly. They would go in, and after two or three months they were gone. Then another group came in. Again and again.” He laughed and pointed to himself. “I don’t know which group I belonged to or how long I bloomed, but they said my season lasted the longest.”

He said it as if it were a joke. His expression did not change. There was even a smile on his lips.

I looked at the carpet of petals under the tree. “Would you like to make a sachet?”

A few days earlier I had seen him mending his skirt with practiced hands. He had mentioned learning embroidery in the brothel as a child. Perhaps the fading blossoms had brought back unpleasant memories. I suggested the sachet to give him something else to think about. Brooding would do his recovery no good.

Lu Jing did not refuse. He even seemed excited.

Together we gathered the petals, washed and dried them, then added mugwort, cloves, and a few other things.

He took everything back to his room. A few days later, he presented me with a finished sachet: red cloth embroidered with a silver fish.

I was touched, but I could not help laughing. “I didn’t mean for you to make it for me.”

He looked at me in confusion.

I sighed. “You seemed unhappy, so I wanted to take your mind off it. You seem to enjoy making little things like this.”

He pressed his lips together. “I only do it because I learned when I was young. Besides, these are the only skills I have—things girls learn.”

I shook my head. “A skill is a skill. Why divide it between men and women?” Then I smiled at him. “I like the sachet very much. Thank you.”

I hung it at my waist. At that very moment he asked, “Doctor Jiang, do you know what it means to give someone a sachet in Great Chu?”

My hand froze. I nearly dropped it.

In Great Chu, when a woman gave a man a sachet, it was a declaration of affection.

I quietly let out a breath and looked up with a smile. “We’re both men. What has that custom to do with us? Besides, you keep saying you want to thank me. Isn’t this your gift of thanks?”

His eyes curved. “It is. One of them.”

Something about the air between us had changed, and that something was Lu Jing. He liked dressing as a woman, but I had never given it much thought while we lived together. Today, after his question about the sachet, I watched him smile and thought he was more beautiful than many women I had seen.

I remembered his words about spring scenery at the prince’s residence.

He truly could rival the spring itself.

But I was a woman, and I had seen his naked body. There was no doubt he was a man.

For me to be drawn to him when he dressed as a woman made no sense. None at all.

Over the next few days, I found myself keeping my distance.

The strange dreams I had at night only made me feel guiltier. I hardly dared look at him.

Lu Jing must have noticed. On a day when I was not too busy, he came to say goodbye, bundle in hand.

“Doctor Jiang, I think it’s time for me to leave. You’ve taken care of me all this while, and I’ve caused you a great deal of trouble. I’ll find a way to repay you for the medicine, food, lodging, and clothes.”

He was plainly dressed that day, which gave me just enough courage to meet his eyes. “Have you decided where you’ll go?”

There had been no news from the capital, but surely the prince’s household would not simply forget someone who had escaped.

He smiled lightly. “No. I’ll leave after dark and go as far as I can.”

I frowned. “That won’t do.”

Travel was hard at night. He was not frail, but his wounds had only just healed. Anything could happen.

My soft heart got the better of me again. “If you really have nowhere to go, why not stay here for now and help me out?”

The moment I said it, I regretted it. Wasn’t I just making trouble for myself?

Lu Jing did not accept. “Thank you for your kindness, Doctor Jiang. But given who I am, I shouldn’t stay and bring you more trouble.”

That only deepened my guilt.

He left that night. He seemed entirely at ease with it; I was the one who could hardly bear to see him go.

I had thought I saved him. Yet he was still left to wander.