00s Regulate the Harem - Chapter 1

Chapter 1

The moment I opened my eyes after transmigrating, I nervously asked the maid, “Who am I?”

The maid answered, “The Empress.”

I tucked my arms in and cheered, “Yes!”

The maid looked at me like I was insane, then added, “But you have been out of favor for many years.”

Money, power, and I didn’t even have to serve a man.

Once again, I tucked my arms in and cheered, “Yes!”

The maid’s eyes widened in shock. “Your maiden family may be wealthy enough to rival a nation, but they are merely lowly merchants.”

A powerful natal family, and I didn’t have to watch a man’s face for approval.

For the third time, I went, “Yes! Yes! Yes!”

The maid’s shock turned into pity. “Heavens have mercy. Your Highness failed to hang herself, and now she has finally gone mad.”

Only then did I notice a length of white silk scattered on the floor, along with a horribly warped wooden stool.

I asked the obvious question. “Why is the stool broken?”

The maid looked me up and down. Her face was one step away from spelling out, Do you really not know?

I glanced at the mirror and understood.

The original owner’s weight had been too much. The stool hadn’t held.

But if the original owner hadn’t died, how had I ended up inside her body?

I didn’t have time to think too deeply. An imperial consort attempting suicide was a grave crime, so I quickly ordered the maid to take the evidence away and burn it.

The next second, a eunuch’s announcement rang out from beyond the door. “The Emperor has arrived-”

In the nick of time, I grabbed my court scarf and covered the red marks on my neck, then kicked the wooden stool under the bed.

The instant the Emperor stepped inside and saw me, I had just managed to pick up the white silk.

He stared at me with his big eyes. I glared back at him with my small ones.

After three seconds of stagnant silence, the Emperor snapped, “Zhu Yurun, how dare you-”

Perhaps inspiration struck.

Before he could say the words “kill yourself,” I twisted my waist, lifted my wrist, swayed my body, and began singing a melodious tune. “A pure white hada, offered to you. The clouds in the sky, offered to you. Friends from afar, we gather here, oh, gather here-hey, bazhahei!”

The Emperor: “…”

Under his stiff gaze, I devoutly draped the white silk around his neck and pressed my palms together. “Tashi Delek.”

The corners of the Emperor’s mouth twitched twice before he finally found his voice. “Consort Ying said the Empress attempted to hang herself. Is that true?”

“She made it up.” My face didn’t change; my heart didn’t even skip. “I was studying the customs of the Tibetan regions. I believe this will help promote ethnic unity, strengthen the friendship between our peoples, and realize our nation’s prosperity and revival.”

The Emperor was rendered speechless by my combo attack.

A beautiful woman popped out from behind the Emperor and raised her fingers in solemn oath. “I dare swear to the heavens that I personally witnessed the Empress hanging herself from the doorway. If there is even one false word, may I be struck by lightning!”

So this must be Consort Ying.

I folded my hands into my sleeves and said unhurriedly, “You’re like a dog lifting a door curtain-nothing but a mouth. It’s one thing for you to be so pretty, but does your eyesight have to be so ‘pretty’ too? The palace gate is so far from here, you might as well have mistaken me for Liu Yifei. Could you really see whether I was dancing or hanging myself? Besides, I eat well, sleep well, and have money. Why would I hang myself? Am I sick in the head?”

The Emperor perked up. “There is a Consort Liu Yi in the palace?”

Consort Ying’s eyes reddened with urgency. Pointing at me, she said, “If the Empress truly did not hang herself, why is she covering her neck so tightly? Does she dare remove her court scarf and let the Emperor see?”

The little thing had some brains.

I covered my neck and shook my head. “That won’t do.”

Seeing this, Consort Ying gained momentum. She shook the Emperor’s sleeve and whined coquettishly, “Emperor, I absolutely did not see wrong. Since the Empress is resisting so strongly, there must be something hidden…”

The suspicion in the Emperor’s eyes deepened. In an authoritative voice, he said, “Empress, remove your court scarf.”

I had no choice but to obey.

Consort Ying pointed excitedly at my neck and cried, “There really are red marks!”

The Emperor’s fury was written all over his face. He stepped closer and pinched the flesh of my cheek with one hand. “And now, how will you try to argue your way out of this?”

He pinched hard, forcing my lips to pout. My old face flushed. “In front of so many people… this is not easy to say.”

The Emperor grew even angrier and ground out through clenched teeth, “If I tell you to speak, then speak.”

“Fine.” I lowered my eyes shyly. “The Emperor has not favored me in so long, so I thought I should improve my bedchamber skills. I heard that the right amount of suffocation can bring a different sort of pleasure, so I used myself as the test subject and tried it out for the Emperor…”

The Emperor’s hand, still pinching me, froze slightly. His mouth hung open, unable to close for a moment.

Consort Ying’s eyes went wide, her face turning crimson.

All the palace servants in the room lowered their heads, shut their eyes, pretended they hadn’t heard a thing, and curled their toes in embarrassment.

Amid an epochal silence, I added bashfully, “If you don’t believe me, look. The red marks on my neck have finger marks. White silk couldn’t make those.”

The Emperor took one look, then turned away as if his eyes had been burned. After organizing his words, he said, “Ahem. I have indeed neglected the Empress recently while busy with affairs of state. But in the future, do not engage in such… dangerous research. It is improper.”

Busy with affairs of state? I was too lazy to expose you.

I nodded meekly. “Aw.”

“As for Consort Ying,” he continued, a trace of impatience in his tone, “because her poor eyesight caused this misunderstanding…”

“Emperor-” Consort Ying immediately collapsed to the floor, delicate yet elegant. “I only did it because I was worried about the Empress, waaah…”

When a woman knew how to act spoiled, the Emperor’s soul would float right out of his body.

The Emperor’s tone instantly softened a little. “You will be confined for three days. A small punishment as a warning.”

Consort Ying wiped away tears that did not exist. “Yes.”

I couldn’t help offering a sharp critique. “Only three days? The bed won’t even be warm before she can go out again.”

The Emperor shot me a glare. “The Empress will observe a vegetarian diet for half a year to cool that lust of yours.”

?

With that, the two of them sweetly left arm in arm.

The maid stood beside me and asked shyly, “Your Highness, is suffocation really pleasurable?”

I said, “Do I look like I’m having fun?”