College Students Help Me Rule - Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The next day, I threw a tantrum, rolling on the floor until Lord Nine Thousand agreed to accompany me to the morning court session.

The Ministry of War presented the latest intelligence.

The Oirats were eyeing us like hawks, already preparing to mobilize their troops.

In the past, the Chief Grand Secretary would never have let me in on such matters. He would only mention it casually after the fighting was over, saying things like, “Our dynasty has been defeated. Our dynasty has been defeated again.”

But now, Lord Nine Thousand wanted me to brainstorm a strategy alongside the ministers.

The General and I stared at each other for a long time. Finally, I managed to squeeze out a single sentence: “What strategies do my Beloved Ministers have?”

The General looked down and started picking at his cuticles. “I don’t know. The counselor didn’t say.”

Lord Nine Thousand asked, “Is anyone willing to go?”

“…”

Silence fell over the room.

I had never experienced such a quiet morning court.

“If no one is willing to volunteer, I shall start calling names.”

“…”

It felt like the King of Hell calling the roll for the dead.

He called the General’s name. “You go.”

The General glanced at the map and said in terror, “Teacher, that’s my hometown!”

Lord Nine Thousand smiled. “Then all the more reason for you to go.”

The General looked like he wanted to cry but had no tears left.

Lord Nine Thousand pondered for a moment. “Treat this as a group project. Submit a hard copy of the plan by tomorrow.”

I felt like the General was about to crumble into pieces.

That afternoon, the General led his team of military advisors into the palace in a grand procession to have an audience with me.

He said, “My policy is this: when the enemy advances, we retreat; when the enemy camps, we harass; when the enemy tires, we strike; when the enemy retreats, we pursue.”

I sat up straight and listened intently, thinking his words made a lot of sense.

“I need the Ministry of War to manufacture a batch of cannons and bombs. Tanks would be even better.”

The more the General spoke, the more excited he became. He even started gesturing wildly, lost in his own fantasy.

“Then have the Ministry of War build aircraft carriers. We’ll fight our way west and gradually conquer the world. That way, we won’t have to study English when we travel back!”

This seemed a bit far-fetched.

I stroked my fake beard and interrupted him. “Let’s handle the matter at hand first.”

The General snapped back to reality. “Yes, Your Majesty.”

“After the war, we shall also build the Great Wall in the northwest…”

This was my first time handling military and political affairs.

I thought about it and felt his plan was foolproof. “Excellent. We shall proceed as my Beloved Minister suggests.”

When I sent the decree to manufacture tanks to the Ministry of War, the Minister of War sent back a memorial.

The content of the memorial was concise and clear:

[Are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay?]

His words were far too enthusiastic.

I picked up my brush and replied: [We are fine.]

Two hours later, the Minister of War submitted another petition.

[Your subject simply cannot do it!]

At the morning court the next day, I asked, “Do any of my Beloved Ministers know how to build a tank?”

“…”

“Your Majesty, we were all liberal arts students!”

It seemed that building tanks was out of the question.

“What about bombs?”

The Vice Minister of Rites stepped forward and said, “I remember a recipe for making crude bombs. My great-grandfather told me about it.”

“Please, speak, Beloved Minister.”

“First you do this, then you do that, and finally you do that, and it’s done.”

I nodded and called on the Minister of War, tasking him with the job.

He pointed a finger at himself, his face a mask of bewilderment. “Make bombs? Me?”

I reiterated, “Yes, you.”

The Minister of War hung his head as if he were attending his own parents’ funeral.

As the court session ended, I saw the Minister of War walking with the General, cursing under his breath. “Dammit, why didn’t we bring a few more science students with us back then?”

The General replied, “Science students aren’t exactly turtles in a wishing well, you know. You can’t just make a wish and have one appear.”