Dare Not Speak Aloud - Chapter 1

On the day Xiao Huaijing killed me, snow had been falling softly since morning.

He looked at me, hesitation in his eyes.

With the knife pressed to my heart, the handsome young man seemed a little afraid.

I clasped his hand and reassured him.

“Don’t be afraid. Do it the way I taught you before.”

I bent down and knelt beneath the imperial steps. The short blade sank into my chest.

He really had grown up.

I wanted to reach out and pat his head, but my strength was draining faster than I had expected.

The court officials filled the hall, kneeling on either side with their foreheads pressed to the tiles. None of them dared breathe too loudly.

They had waited far too long for this day.

They believed I had controlled the court for too long.

I, too, had waited a very long time for this day.

In the script I had written, the young emperor was supposed to stab me—the treacherous minister and rebel—to death before the assembled court.

Then he would gather all power into his own hands.

It had merely happened somewhat earlier than the date I had planned.

He had grown quickly. Right beneath my nose, he had even managed to build a force powerful enough to kill me.

Xiao Huaijing stood before me, the hem of his dragon robe stained with my blood.

He looked down at me, his voice chilling. “Imperial Uncle, in the end, this realm has no place for your ambition.”

Xiao Huaijing bent down and leaned close to my ear, his voice impossibly hoarse. “Xie Changling.”

My lashes fluttered.

He rarely called me that.

No matter how angry he was, he normally called me Imperial Uncle.

Xiao Huaijing said, “Wake up in three days. Then We will settle accounts with you.”

I did not understand what he meant by three days.

My consciousness gradually faded.

I could feel Xiao Huaijing’s lowered gaze upon me.

The hand gripping the knife seemed to tremble again.

Was he still afraid?

I felt like laughing.

He was still a child after all.

But it did not matter.

You have already done very well, my young emperor.

When I opened my eyes again, I smelled the agarwood incense of Star-Picking Tower.

During the three years I kept Xiao Huaijing imprisoned there, I was always afraid the child would not sleep well at night.

I had gone out of my way to obtain this incense from the Western Regions.

At the time, the child had lowered his voice and asked me, “Imperial Uncle, if you locked Us in here, wasn’t it because you wanted to do something to Us?”

I had stared at him in silence.

I did not answer.

I was an outsider to the imperial clan who had been made a prince at an early age. He was a sheltered crown prince who knew nothing of the world.

Anyone would have assumed I had designs on something.

But all I wanted was to place the person I loved upon the highest seat.

It did not matter if I bore every curse, or if he hated and resented me.

He belonged up there.

…

My awareness returned.

Star-Picking Tower still looked as it had back then.

Xiao Huaijing stood inside the doorway.

He had only just turned twenty, yet the officials outside still used the word naïve to hold him down.

He was clearly the handsomest and most radiant of young men.

He wore no shoes or socks. The silver chain around his wrist looped behind a bronze pillar, hanging in a length of cold white light.

I had fastened it myself.

The rebellious child would never listen and always came back from outside covered in injuries.

So I locked him up.

And now the key rested in my palm.

I knelt before him and looked at him for a long time. He seemed a little puzzled.

“Why is Imperial Uncle staring into space?”

He lifted his chin and planted his soft foot against my chest. “Have you been struck senseless by Our beauty?”

I came back to myself and suddenly felt like laughing.

It was not a bad thing to have another chance.

If he had let me know sooner in my last life that no one could bully him, I would have returned power to him long before then.

I had never coveted power.

His safety was all that mattered.

I tucked his foot beneath the quilt, then offered him the key with utmost respect.

“Your Majesty, you are free.”

Xiao Huaijing did not take it.

He stared at the key, suddenly frozen.

“What game is Imperial Uncle trying to play today?”

I lowered my gaze and bowed my head. “This subject will unlock Your Majesty’s chain.”

Every trace of color suddenly drained from his face.

“You intend to let me out?”

I paused. “Your Majesty must assume personal rule sooner or later.”

Xiao Huaijing lowered his eyes to me.

He truly was beautiful.

The corners of his eyes tilted up slightly, making him look rather fierce when his expression cooled.

He used to look at me like this whenever I infuriated him in Star-Picking Tower.

I had always found it adorable.

Even locked away by me, he would still bristle like a little cat.

That was far better than having his spirit ground away by those old fossils outside.

Xiao Huaijing asked, “And Imperial Uncle?”

“This subject will always remain a subject. I will withdraw to the place where I belong.”

He gave a short laugh. Shaking the chain around his wrist, he used his foot to lift my chin.

His voice was soft, yet every word struck my heart.

“Xie Changling, when you locked Us in here, did you know anything about where you belonged?”

I did not defend myself.

“This subject is guilty.”

His expression darkened at once.

Xiao Huaijing hated those three words more than anything.

It had been the same in my previous life.

Every time I visited Star-Picking Tower, he would curse me, and I would say, This subject is guilty.

Every time he heard it, he grew angry all over again.

But I was hopeless with words. Whenever I looked at him, I simply did not know what to say.

Xiao Huaijing abruptly stepped forward, seized my wrist, and pressed the key back into my palm.

It dug painfully into my flesh.

“I don’t want to go out. Apart from pleading guilty, does Imperial Uncle know how to do anything else?”

I thought about it.

“Please quell your anger, Your Majesty. This is no game. Your Majesty’s personal rule—”

Isn’t that exactly what you wanted?

He laughed in fury.

The corners of the young emperor’s eyes had reddened, but there was not a single tear in them.

Xiao Huaijing had cried often when he was young.

But after I locked him away, he never cried again.

I lowered my head and released the clasp for him.

When the silver chain slipped from his wrist, it left a faint red ring behind.

I instinctively wanted to rub it for him.

My hand had barely risen before I drew it back.

It would not be proper.

A subject should not touch the emperor’s wrist.

Before, I had indulged myself by pretending he was still young.

That was why I had taken care of everything for him.

But I could no longer do so.

Xiao Huaijing had seen me.

He stared at my hand, his lips pressed into a tight line.

“Now even touching Us is too filthy for Imperial Uncle?”

My heart skipped. “This subject did not mean that.”

“This subject again.”

He snatched the silver chain from me and wound it around my wrist instead.

He did not fasten it, merely looped it once.

“Imperial Uncle’s hands were steady enough when you chained Us.”

I looked at the ring of chain around my wrist and felt rather gratified.

He had learned to strike back.

That was truly a good thing.

Xiao Huaijing stared at me. “What are you thinking now?”

I composed my expression. “This subject was thinking that Your Majesty learns very quickly.”

His expression grew even darker.