Don't Take Pills at Random - Chapter 1

I stared at the man lying on the ground, soaked to the bone and deathly pale, and sank into thought.

“System. You’re serious?”

“Mm-hmm.”

I gave it a thumbs-up in my head. “You sure know how to play. A devastatingly beautiful male mommy.”

The system played dead.

I crouched, lifted the man’s sodden robe, and peeked inside.

Mm. Pale, pink, and perfectly flat.

After a moment’s thought, I took something from my robes and stuffed it into his mouth.

The system spoke again. “…What did you feed him?”

“A Breast-Enhancement Pill,” I said calmly. “You said he could use it.”

“…You couldn’t tell I was joking?”

I fell silent. “Then what do we do now?”

“Buy yourself a coffin.”

Ten thousand alpacas stampeded through my heart. I squatted beside the unconscious man and watched his chest gradually swell.

I was doomed.

As I drew circles on the ground, a commotion erupted outside the courtyard.

“The imperial court is hunting a wanted criminal! All bystanders, stand aside!”

I jolted upright. With the system urging me on, I frantically stripped off the unconscious man’s wet clothes, hauled him onto the bed, and flung a quilt over his entire body.

The front door was kicked open the next second.

A tall, cold-faced general stood in the doorway like a demon come to claim my life. Thunder cracked behind him, and my knees began to shake.

He looked me over. “Are you a nun?”

“A lay disciple.”

“Have you seen anyone suspicious?”

I shook my head. “No.”

His gaze shifted to the mound on the bed. “Who is that?”

My voice trembled. “My elder sister. She came to visit me, but the wind and rain gave her a chill. She’s already gone to bed.”

The general sneered. “What a coincidence. Wake her.”

I hesitated. “Wouldn’t that be… inappropriate?”

That only made him stride into the room.

“Then I’ll see for myself.”

He marched to the bed and reached for the quilt.

I seized his hand in horror. “Sir, my sister’s clothes were soaked through, and she caught a chill. To warm herself, she is currently wearing nothing at all. Do you truly intend to look?”

His hand paused. Doubt crossed his face.

I couldn’t help the tiny curl of my lips. Unfortunately, he caught it.

His expression hardened. “Open the quilt. I must see!”

I panicked. “But… but…”

My reaction only made him more certain. “That is an order. Open it at once!”

I gritted my teeth, stamped my foot, and threw back the quilt.

The force of the movement swept the man’s long hair across his face, hiding it from view.

His unclothed upper body, however, was exposed in full.

Well…

The effect was excellent.

That Breast-Enhancement Pill was an honest product.

The general turned to stone.

I covered the man again, then glared at the intruder with reddened eyes. “Now that you’ve seen my sister’s body, what more do you want?”

The young general snapped back to life, his face blazing. He could no longer form a complete sentence. “I-I’m sorry. I was… I was reckless. I’ll take responsibility.”

“My name is Gu Siyuan. I live on Changsheng Street.” He darted another glance at the bed, then looked away as though burned. “When your sister wakes, she may come find me. I will take responsibility…”

He retreated in a fluster and nearly tripped over the threshold.

I stared after him.

So the young general was an innocent maiden at heart?

The mass of soldiers outside flooded into the courtyard, then drained away just as quickly. Peace soon returned.

Enlightenment struck me. “You were right.”

The system said, “??”

I clapped my hands. “This thing works surprisingly well on men!”

“I think you should worry about yourself.”

“Huh?”

“He’s awake.”