The Lone Minister - Chapter 1

Chapter 1

My grandfather said I wasn’t this much of a dog when I was little.

But ever since my parents died one after the other, I started giving up on being human.

When I reached the age to begin schooling, all the boys my age were sent off to study. I, however, was kept in the inner quarters to learn embroidery because I was a girl.

I pricked my hands full of tiny holes.

I was so jealous I could die, so I begged them to tell me a little of what they had learned.

Who would have thought that after school, they would come back and mock me to my face?

“Crawl between this young master’s legs, then bark like a dog a couple of times, and I’ll allow you to dress up as a pageboy and serve by my side so you can sneak in a few lessons.”

After hearing that, I grabbed the wooden pitchfork used for spearing badgers and stabbed straight at his crotch.

Just because they had that one extra thing, they got to study at the clan school? Why?

Since I didn’t have a root, none of you lot should either!

That day, I was valiant and heroic. I nearly managed, through my efforts alone, to cut off the next generation of Great Liang Dynasty’s pillars at the source.

The noble young masters who normally looked down their noses at everyone were beaten by me until they fled all over the streets, sobbing and calling me Father.

Every official household in the capital complained bitterly.

But since I was the descendant of meritorious heroes who had died for the country, and still a child besides, they couldn’t bring themselves to lose face by arguing with me.

Worried I would poke an even bigger hole in the sky, my grandfather hired a private tutor to teach in our inner school, giving lessons to me alone.

By the time I came of age, I had mastered every one of the Six Arts of the Gentleman.

But I still wasn’t satisfied.

Because my teacher was a generous man, always instructing me to cultivate a benevolent heart.

I couldn’t cultivate one.

For a single drop of kindness, I would haul away the entire spring.

What others gained was surely my loss.

And if I lost, everyone else had to lose with me!

In the dark cracks of life, I twisted and writhed at high speed.

Always wanting to bite someone in secret.

After years of teaching me, my teacher was utterly helpless.

“This child has a dark and twisted mind. If she remains in the rear residence, she may cause internal chaos… If she were a man, she would be just right for the imperial court.”

My grandfather also felt that our household could not contain a villain like me, but the imperial court could.

“Perhaps it might even treat that diseased temperament of yours.”

And so I disguised myself as a man, placed as Tanhua, and entered officialdom.

Because I couldn’t stand seeing anyone stronger than me, I let out a moo and began grinding out achievements like an ox.

A brain full of dark thoughts really was useful.

In just a few years, I had rolled my way into the Grand Secretariat as a scholar.

One night, while I was working in the Grand Secretariat offices, the emperor personally held the lamp for me.

Me! An imperial disciple!

Who would have thought that the higher I climbed, the worse my illness became?

The court was full of factions. Any time they saw me, the new rising star of the dynasty, they invited me warmly, eager to pull me into their party.

The Pure Stream invited me. The Traitorous Faction invited me too.

Why should I bow to some mountain and acknowledge a boss?

If I was going to be anything, I would be number one. I refused to be anyone’s lapdog!

So I chose the path of The Lone Minister-completely unhinged.

After impeaching the Pure Stream, I impeached the Turbid Stream.

One side was full of hypocrites. The other was full of genuine scoundrels.

Not a decent pancake in the lot. Might as well impeach them all to death.

Thanks to my memorials, the survival rate of officials at court plummeted.

As a result, they all united against a common enemy, determined to force me from office.

The harder they resisted, the more excited I became.

From ancient times to the present, imperial power has changed hands and dynasties have risen and fallen.

Not a single enlightened ruler has ever managed to make civil officials and military generals, the Pure Stream and the Traitorous Faction, twist themselves into one rope.

And yet I did it.

That throne should be mine!