This Red Thread Cannot Be Eaten - Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Clouds and rosy mist curled through the Heavenly Court, immortal music filled the air, and the Queen Mother of the West’s Peach Banquet was in full swing.

At the very height of the festivities, Chang’e, the most beautiful fairy of them all, was performing a sword dance.

She had just used her immortal sword to lift the Seven-Treasure Exquisite Wine Cup.

Plop.

An egg, by sheer coincidence, fell right into the Seven-Treasure Exquisite Wine Cup.

This egg had been sitting in the Heavenly Court for tens of thousands of years. It had never hatched, and no one knew what kind of egg it was. At first, the immortals had been quite enthusiastic about guessing what might be inside. But after so much time passed and it still showed no sign of hatching, no one bothered to guess anymore.

The egg cracked.

Inside was a tiny beast, its fur soaked through, a few tufts sticking up on top of its head. It could barely walk steadily and promptly toppled with a clang into the emerald-green wine inside the cup.

The old immortals who had already gathered around cried, “Hey, hey, hey!”

Dozens of hands reached out, ready to help the little beast. Then, after glancing at the other immortals nearby, they all pulled back with dignified restraint-though they still stared at it with longing eyes.

The little beast plunged headfirst into the wine cup. Perhaps realizing that the liquid was drinkable, it began gulping with its tiny mouth. In the blink of an eye, the cup was empty.

The old immortals grew anxious again. “Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Children can’t drink wine!”

The little beast lifted its head, opened its newborn, bewildered eyes, and let out a tiny burp at the old immortals.

All the immortals fell silent.

Well.

Not a single one of them had guessed correctly.

This egg that had sat in the Heavenly Court for tens of thousands of years…

Turned out to be a Taotie.

Under the gazes of the Heavenly Emperor, the Queen Mother of the West, and every immortal in the Heavenly Court…

I, the last Taotie in the world, was born.

Chapter 2

For some reason, even in a place like the Heavenly Court, I still couldn’t take human form. I remained a fluffy little Taotie beast, raising my fuzzy paws every day as I bounced around the Heavenly Court.

The Heavenly Court hadn’t seen a child in tens of thousands of years.

You could say the aging population problem was extremely severe.

As the only Taotie in all the Four Seas and Eight Desolations,

and the only cub in the entire Heavenly Court,

I suppose I was everyone’s darling-but not that darling.

It was just that the Queen Mother of the West let me climb all over her lap, the Heavenly Emperor let me tug on his beard, and Taishang Laojun’s immortal pills were crunched between my teeth like candy beans…

Taishang Laojun looked as if he were about to cry. “Little Taotie, there isn’t a single immortal pill left in my Tushita Palace. A few days ago, Erlang Shen even came to complain that the Lutein Pill he uses for his daily eye care has been out of stock for ages.”

Lutein Pill, huh? It wasn’t even that tasty.

So I went to Vaisravana Palace instead.

Inside Vaisravana Palace, the Pagoda-Bearing Heavenly King was so furious his beard trembled. “Little Taotie, was this your doing again?”

I looked at him innocently. “But I’m a Taotie. Taoties are always very, very hungry.”

The Pagoda-Bearing Heavenly King glared up at the top of his palace. “Being hungry means you can eat the roof off my palace?”

I looked up with him.

Wow, Vaisravana Palace really was gorgeous.

And there was such a big hole in the top.

The roof was leaking wind now. The breeze of the Heavenly Court blew in, cold and chilly.

Along the edge of the hole, a few tiny tooth marks remained.

I pressed my mouth shut, because those tiny tooth marks matched my teeth exactly. A perfect fit.

After all, I was the one who gnawed it.

As an ancient fierce beast, one of a Taotie’s defining traits was gluttony. We were never full.

I gazed obediently at the Pagoda-Bearing Heavenly King.

He had been huffing with anger, but the moment I looked at him, his fierce manner turned hollow. Forcing himself to hold his ground, he said, “Fine, be hungry if you must, but at least… don’t eat my pagoda, all right?”

Probably because I had been eating far too much, the Queen Mother of the West sent a fairy to bring me to her.

When I arrived, I saw the Queen Mother of the West hiding something behind her back.

I’d already seen it. It was half a piece of unfinished pastry.

When I first came to the Queen Mother of the West’s palace, she would set out whatever she had and practically wished she could bring me every edible thing in the entire Heavenly Court.

But after a mere hundred years, she was now secretly eating behind my back.

When she spoke to me, she still had a mouthful of cake tucked in her cheek.

The Queen Mother of the West took a sip of tea to clear her throat and had just opened her mouth when I cut her off.

I said, “Mung beans grown by Seventh Fairy and rose cakes made by Fifth Fairy. I can smell them.”

The Queen Mother of the West rolled her eyes at me. “…Ever since you hatched yourself, I haven’t gotten to eat any for nearly a hundred years.”

I was deeply hurt. “So love really does fade.”

The Queen Mother of the West said, “Bah. I called you here today precisely because of this matter.”

Only then did I notice that the Matchmaker was seated below as well.

The Matchmaker held a Red Thread in his hand and kept a wary distance from me. “Yesterday, the stars shifted, and I only just remembered. By next month, you’ll be three hundred years old. Three hundred years after a Taotie is born, its three lifetimes are settled. Your Red Thread can be tied now.”

He handed the Red Thread to me. “Here. After your birthday passes, if you see any single immortal you like, just hand it to him directly.”

Delighted, I took it and bit down.

I couldn’t chew through it.

There was actually something in this world I couldn’t eat?

Refusing to accept this, I gnawed at it a few more times and heard a soft laugh from above my head.

A gentle, handsome face appeared before me.

It was the Heavenly Emperor’s only son, Prince Junhua.

In this Heavenly Court, I was about to turn three hundred, and he was four thousand three hundred.

Incredibly, he was the only person here close to me in age.

Let me say it again: the aging population problem here was truly severe.

Prince Junhua was publicly acknowledged as the Heavenly Court’s future God of War. But whenever he faced me, he was always gentle, always smiling.

By all accounts, Junhua treated me extremely well. Though he was clearly a God of War, he was always as mild as a spring breeze when it came to me.

Prince Junhua said, “Little Taotie’s Red Thread has appeared too? Then after your birthday, give it to me, all right?”