This System Is a Bit Crazy - Chapter 1

Chapter 1

I transmigrated into an old-school melodramatic angst novel and became the legitimate daughter of Prince Zhennan-though technically, I was only the fake heiress who had been switched at birth.

And let me tell you, my fate in the original novel was miserable. Fake heiress versus real heiress, stand-in for the white moonlight, crematorium-level groveling after the husband chased his wife away-I got hit with the whole package.

Fortunately, when I arrived, I brought a System with me.

Unfortunately, there seemed to be something wrong with this System. Every mission it issued was more bizarre than the last.

At my one-month banquet, the System boldly released its first mission.

[Mission 1: Are kings, nobles, generals, and ministers born into their stations? Publicly humiliate the emperor once! Mission failure: immediate obliteration.]

I looked at the emperor, who was currently holding me up in the air and playing with me.

Then, with a loud wail, I peed all over him.

[Mission complete. Reward: First-Rank Martial Grandmaster Realm!]

[Mission 2: March west and exterminate five thousand rebel soldiers! Mission failure: immediate obliteration.]

At two years old, I tottered over with a kettle of boiling water and scalded an entire nest of ants in the western garden to death.

The System rewarded me with a cashier’s check from HSBC containing ten million U.S. dollars.

Who was I supposed to cash that with?

[Mission 3: In ancient days, Gaozu drunkenly slew the white serpent; today, Pengju wrathfully slays the black dragons! Slay three black dragons! Mission failure: immediate obliteration.]

I wasn’t an imperial tutor. I had never seen a dragon.

After racking my brains for two and a half days, I begged my mother to make a pot of loaches burrowing into tofu.

Then I viciously ate three black loaches and completed the mission.

The System rewarded me with a Level Six Certificate in the Xiongnu language.

What was that supposed to mean? Did it want me to collude with the enemy?

Everyone knew that although my father was called Prince Zhennan, he had spent half his life genuinely fighting the Xiongnu in the northern deserts.

And I was the youngest daughter most doted on by Prince Zhennan, Zhao Xingyan.

The storytellers said that when my mother was pregnant with me, she dreamed of the same Golden-winged Roc that had appeared for Yue Fei, and that was how she gave birth to a fierce daughter of a military household like me.

Whose child could pick up one stone lion from each side of the manor gates at the age of six and chase her father down Vermilion Bird Avenue?

Only me, Zhao Wanqing.

So my father also gave me the courtesy name Pengju.

“System, I transmigrated here to be the female lead. Look at me now-what decent man is going to take a liking to this?”

I flexed my already rather well-formed biceps. I was only six!

“System, say something. Don’t hide in my head and pretend you’re not home. I know you’re in there!”

In the original novel, when I was ten, the true heiress, Zhao Zhiman, was brought back to the manor.

This Zhao Zhiman was nothing like a member of the Zhao Family. She spoke in a soft, delicate voice and looked gentle, refined, and fragile.

In less than three years, she stole away all the love and favor that belonged to me.

The original novel described it so tragically that I could feel the deep despair through the words themselves. I actually cried over it three separate times.