This System Is a Bit Crazy - Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Fortunately, I had read enough female-oriented angst webnovels to know every trope in the book by heart.

“Come on, then. Let this young lady see what you’re made of!”

After my ninth birthday, I started rolling up my sleeves and preparing for the war between the True Heiress and the fake heiress.

Just as I was writing furiously and drafting my battle plan, the System prompt rang out.

[Mission 73: Northern Expedition! Within one year, lead an army north and slay one Xiongnu general in battle!]

“Who? Me?

“You want me, Benbo’erba, to go capture Tang Sanzang and his three disciples?”

I knew the System was unhinged. I just hadn’t realized it was this unhinged.

Dear System, I transmigrated into a female-oriented novel. The entire book takes place either in the Prince of Zhennan’s Mansion or the Crown Prince’s Mansion. It never even leaves the capital.

The only place the Xiongnu come into it is when the True Heiress tries to send me off to them for a marriage alliance.

[Mission failed: immediate erasure.]

Looking at the System prompt, I could only silently begin packing my little bundle.

“Father, tell the army to march slower. I’m coming to find you!”

I rode my little pony at full gallop for three days before finally catching up to my father’s army.

When Zhao Xingyan saw me arrive all on my own, covered in dust from the road, he was so startled he nearly fell off his horse.

The first thing he said when he saw me was,

“Has the Old Emperor made a move against our family?”

So you’d been plotting rebellion for ages, huh, old man?

No wonder the book said that after the Crown Prince tortured me to death, you immediately led the army back to the capital to rebel.

Terrified that he would send me back, I quickly wrapped my arms around his neck and acted spoiled.

I nearly dragged him off his horse.

When he heard that I wanted to join the army and go on campaign, Old Zhao laughed so hard his eyes disappeared.

Then he cheerfully dragged me around to show me off to all his old brothers-in-arms.

“See that? This is the blood of the Zhao Family! Ten years old and already knows to kill enemies for the country!”

Amid the chorus of generals shamelessly flattering him, Old Zhao remained clear-headed and refused my request to go onto the battlefield.

“You think a few compliments mean you’ve grown wings and can fly? The battlefield isn’t like fooling around in the capital. This is no game. Lin Ruoruo, you’re responsible for keeping an eye on the young miss.”

From the personal guards behind Zhao Xingyan, a handsome, refined-looking man turned his horse and rode out.

I almost started drooling.

“Amitabha. This humble monk obeys the general’s command!”

[And he’s the ascetic type, too.]

Every day, my father was busy inspecting the camp, drilling the troops, and hurling insults back and forth with the Xiongnu…

He had absolutely no time to pay attention to me.

I had thought I could sneak into the enemy camp and casually kill some random general.

Who would’ve thought this monk was so stubborn? No matter how I tried to talk him around, he absolutely refused to let me take a single step out of the tent.

“Sorry about this, Master!”

While his eyes were closed as he chanted sutras, I quietly circled behind him and took aim at the back of his neck.

“One knife-hand strike from me and-”

There was a tremendous clang, like the tolling of a great bell.

What the hell? His Golden Bell Shield had gotten so strong the protective force had manifested physically? And you’re telling me this is still a romance novel?

My sneak attack failed. Seeing that only one week remained before the mission deadline, I was panicking.

Then, suddenly, war drums and gongs thundered outside the tent. Zhao Xingyan rushed in, yanked out a suit of armor, and started putting it on me. It actually fit pretty well.

“Father, my ponytail’s tied a little too high. It’s pulling on my scalp. Are we going to war?”

I hissed in pain and couldn’t help asking.

Zhao Xingyan didn’t speak. He only patted my shoulder.

Seizing this tender father-daughter moment, I hurriedly acted spoiled again.

“Father, I want to follow you onto the battlefield and kill the enemy. I’m not afraid!”

“Good! Rejoicing at the sound of battle! If you were one of my soldiers, I’d promote you to squad leader on the spot!”

“Father, you agreed?”

I jumped up in delight, but before I even landed, I took a blow to the back of my neck.

“Damn it. I don’t have Golden Bell Shield…”