Raised by an Anomaly - Chapter 1

I did my best to explain myself, spending an entire hour teaching her what pure love actually meant.

My keeper said she did not understand.

“Hehe, when we go into heat, we mate with whoever we meet. Why do you humans have to cultivate feelings first?”

Then she went right back to browsing her pretty-human market.

Her tail swished over the tablet screen, making it scroll at lightning speed.

Every time my keeper called my name, I thought she was mocking me.

It was like the way humans used to name every kitten “Mimi” long ago.

When the anomalies first invaded, they gave every human the same name: “Aah-Aah.”

Was it because humans screamed in terror whenever they saw them?

My keeper was especially creative. She named me “Hehe.”

Really, you could not expect anomalies to have any culture.

Later, she learned that human names could not be chosen so casually.

So she spent three days and three nights researching online, then solemnly announced, “From this day forth, your new name shall be Icewhisper Dreamglass-Moon Phantomsnow Sorrow Tearbutterfly!”

After a long silence, I said, “Hehe is fine. I’ll stick with that.”

Had I accepted the name? No. I had simply run out of options.

My keeper passed me the shopping cart. I stared at the more than three thousand products inside and fell deep into thought.

Was she not worried my kidneys would give out?

“Look. These are all premium little humans. Their quality is worthy of our Hehe.”

Keeping humans had become fashionable in the world of anomalies.

Quality was determined by looks.

I was told I was top quality, something my poop-scooper took great pride in.

But… did animals really share the same standards of beauty as humans?

One look at the garishly dressed men in the photos killed my interest.

Animals judged beauty by colors and markings, so poop-scoopers loved buying their human pets ugly clothes in eye-searing shades.

At first, the anomaly poop-scoopers had not liked buying clothes for humans at all.

In theory, after all, they themselves went around naked.

But then they discovered that little humans without clothes got sick, became unhappy, and sometimes flew into impotent rages.

So they obediently bought their little humans proper clothes.

“I don’t get it. Most of those clothes are made of synthetic fibers. What’s the point?”

Humanity took psychic damage. Humanity said nothing.

Later, the anomalies began making clothes from pure cotton and pure silk. The moment humans saw silk quilts that had once cost tens of thousands being used as foot towels, they switched sides without hesitation.

At last, a species that knew how to pamper them better than they did had appeared!

What miserable lives had humans been living before?

I was not opposed to finding a partner, but after looking for ages, I still saw no one I liked.

At last, I found one who caught my eye. When I showed him to my poop-scooper, she told me despairingly,

“I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t look carefully. This one has already been neutered.”

Me: “…”

At the very bottom of his description were the words: “Neutered. Platonic relationships only.”

I offered three seconds of silent sympathy to my unknown fellow human.

Early on, the anomalies had not known how to care for humans. They assumed humans went into heat like other mammalian anomalies.

In their panic and concern, they took the male humans in their care to be neutered.

Later, anomaly researchers determined that the human mating season was practically nonexistent and had no meaningful effect. Neutering was unnecessary.

And so, for no good reason at all, a group of male humans in this world had lost their balls.

Apart from stray humans, few were neutered anymore.

Remembering the photo from before, I could only mourn the loss of one very handsome man.

As I kept scrolling, I accidentally found an old forum thread my poop-scooper had posted.

My New Little Human Won’t Stop Trembling—What Do I Do?

Oh? Was this from when my keeper had first adopted me?

Curious, I opened it.

OP: My little human has been trembling ever since I brought her home. She won’t eat or drink, and her body is completely stiff. What do I do? Is she going to die? Waaaah!

Reply 1: Wow, OP, you must be loaded to have snagged such a pretty little human! Maybe she’s cold? Why don’t you hold her?

OP: I did! I wrapped my tail tightly around her, but her face got even paler and her body got stiffer! Water keeps coming out of her eyes! Aaaah, what do I do? Is she broken?

Reply 3: OP, you can’t just grab her. Little humans get scared when they first arrive. If you hold her right away, you’ll trigger a stress reaction! Give her food and water, move farther away, and prepare a soft, comfortable nest for her.

OP: All right. I did what you said.

OP: …She still won’t eat, and now she’s crying even harder.

Reply 6: Did you forget to cook it? Little humans don’t eat raw meat.

…

OP: Waaaah, what do I do? She still runs every time she sees me!

Several more months passed in the thread.

There were already hundreds of replies, and my keeper, the OP, was still sniveling in the comments.

I had nearly forgotten that period of my life. Had she really spent so long tearing her hair out over me?

The anomalies on the forum had been very enthusiastic, helping my keeper solve one problem after another.

Some even suspected I was in heat and told her to take me in for neutering.

At last I understood why my keeper had acted so strangely back then.

It was all because of these meddling fools!

OP: Aaaah, why is she bleeding? Her stomach seems to hurt so much! Is she going to die?

…

OP: She looks furious every time I feed her cooked meat. Waaaah, why can’t I understand human language?

…

Reply 199: OP, I recommend two books: *The Encyclopedia of Basic Human Knowledge* and *A Guide to Keeping Humans*. As a beginner, you should read them carefully.

As anomalies became more skilled at keeping humans, they even invented human-language voice translators.

My keeper and I could finally communicate.

OP: It turns out she was afraid because she thought I wanted to eat her. Being able to communicate makes everything so much easier.

OP: Aaaah! She touched my tail today! I’m so happy!