Yingying and the Dog - Chapter 4

Chapter 4

I didn’t end up waiting for Xiao Huan to do anything. Instead, I waited until the Chancellor arrived.

I was in Taihe Hall, where Xiao Huan handled state affairs, stealing grapes.

The Chancellor probably had something to report, because he marched straight in and found himself staring at me, eye to eye.

The Chancellor was furious. “Demon Consort Lu Yingying! This old minister has finally found a chance to deal with you!”

Holy meow.

So I was a Demon Consort?

That title sounded incredibly powerful!

Delighted, I said, “Thank you.”

I had no idea how I’d offended the Chancellor.

But the Chancellor clearly couldn’t stand me.

“How are you worthy of living in Fengyi Palace and eating fruit offered as tribute from the Western Regions?”

I asked, “Do you want to live there and eat them too?”

The Chancellor, having been hit right where it hurt, slowly turned red.

I understood.

So the reason he hated me so much was because he wanted to replace me.

That sounded way too miserable.

Absolutely not!

To scare the Chancellor off, I put on an air of mysterious profundity.

“Don’t even think about it. Other than me, no one can put up with His Majesty’s-”

The Chancellor was indignant. “Just because you say no one can put up with it, that makes it true?”

I said, “Well, the thing is, His Majesty snores, grinds his teeth, and talks in his sleep.”

I added some artistic embellishment.

The Chancellor’s expression shifted slightly.

I increased the dosage. “His Majesty also sleepwalks. Halfway through the night, he’ll stand up and start hitting people.”

This part was true.

He had suddenly stood up in the middle of the night, and that thing had jabbed me.

Rounding up, that counted as hitting me.

The Chancellor swayed on his feet.

Finally, I used my ultimate move.

“And His Majesty has strange tastes. He likes bondage. His favorite thing is tying someone up and then…”

Xiao Huan had complained that I rolled around too much in my sleep.

He had threatened to tie me up.

People had to pay the price for their own words, so this didn’t count as slandering his innocence.

The Chancellor broke down. “Stop talking!”

He shouted “An insult to propriety!” and “Utterly improper!” at the ceiling.

Then he fled in defeat.

I was smug.

Heh heh. A stinky old man like him wanted to steal food from my mouth?

Impossible!

I was truly amazing…

“We snore, grind Our teeth, and talk in Our sleep?”

I stiffened, then slowly turned around to look behind me.

Xiao Huan straightened his robes and stepped out from a dark corner.

I was doomed.

“We also hit you?”

“We also enjoy bondage?”

Xiao Huan clapped. “I never imagined We were this impressive in your eyes.”

My legs were trembling.

Doomed, doomed, I was completely doomed now.

In my desperation, inspiration struck, and I turned the blame back on him.

“Your Majesty, this is all your fault for spreading your charm everywhere!”

“I only said that for your own good. After all, the Chancellor is already fifty-two this year. If he took a fancy to you, that would be a catastrophe for you.”

Xiao Huan said nothing. I carefully peeked at his expression.

His Majesty seemed to be lost in thought.

[How should We tell her the Chancellor actually wants Us to become his son-in-law?]

Uh, so that was it?

[…But she said We have charm!]

[As expected, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. She still loves Us!]

[The civil and military officials would never say We have charm. They would only think We are insane.]

Strangely, pink bubbles seemed to start floating all around Xiao Huan.

Xiao Huan’s expression remained calm. “We love you too.”

Me: “?”

“If you want, we can also try it at night.”

I humbly asked for guidance. “Try what?”

Xiao Huan said, “Bondage.”

I went deathly pale with fright.

Fortunately, Xiao Huan still had some conscience.

He rubbed his chin. “Forget it.”

I let out a sigh of relief.

Xiao Huan said, “There is no need to wait until night. We happen to have plenty of time right now.”

I said, “Your Majesty, I’ve noticed you’re really the type to take things seriously.”